I feel as if this horrible experience at work has simply pushed me out of my comfort zone. It has always been my suspicion that I have more to offer than what my job can afford me. It is not a joy to wake up and throw myself into a hectic day. There is no privacy for me to schedule health appointments. Coworkers bombard me with their endless needs. My boss always has an agenda for me to follow. I have to use the bathroom on a set schedule instead of relieving myself when I need to do so. The pandemic has only made everything worse. The light at the end of the tunnel is that I am a now a budding grant writer.
A whole new world has opened itself to me. When I find a grant that potentially applies to me, I get a little happy flutter. An absolute moment of giddiness takes over as I read the guidelines. Each experience brings forth new knowledge for me. Being selected or not being selected both yield positive results. Just because my submission was not selected by one grant committee, does not mean it won’t be selected by another. Sometimes, they even tell you whom to contact. When I do receive that congratulatory email, I like to take some time to debrief on what went right. There are certain things that you want to keep in mind when creating your personal winning formula.
It is time for me to go where I am needed the most; the black community. The access and exposure to many outlets is far less than other communities. Disadvantages begin at birth. There are food deserts. Liquor stores, churches, strip bars, fried chicken eateries, and payday advance places run amuck. Title I schools have to provide free and reduced lunches or else many students in these communities will not eat. Field trips are important because the opportunity to travel or go to the local museum does not present itself. There is an emphasis on football because the connection to an income is clear. There are so many other careers that are out there that need to be put on display.
I know that I can help black children learn more about who they really are. Representation and reflections are powerful. They need to be able to see themselves in the world around them. They need to know that they are connected to something greater than themselves. It is time for me to refocus my energies on helping my own community to set and surpass its goals.