The words were a machete.  As the tears rolled down my face, I immediately reached out for help.  Work husband, fellow colleague, and my brand developer all answered the phone and came to my rescue.  The unjust google review crushed me.  Strong heart palpitations started just after midnight.  I placed my hand on my heart and started breathing.  My eyes closed, and I imagined angels coming to my rescue.  There was no one for me to tell.  This may be the biggest mistake of all.

Being alone is no longer fun. Day in, day out, I face each and every day by my lonesome.  As a single member LLC and  single girl, I am alone all of the time.  My friends have their own lives with children and significant others or at the very least, occasional company.  They should not be bogged down with my troubles.  However, my days are lacking joy.  Maybe a long time ago, I thought that there would be a family of my own.  As the 30s came across the horizon, I knew that babies were not for me.  Children would not be a part of my life.  The responsibility was too great, and men were no where on the menu.

If I am honest with myself, I have not been in a normal romantic relationships.  Discernment was never present and most of the individuals suffered from severe mental health issues.  This unhealthy combination caused pain and heartache for me, and I do not have it in me to try anymore.  While I want and need a significant other, I am afraid of risking trauma once more.  I have dated out of my race.  I have dated within my race.  Other religions, both genders, different countries, etc.  There has not been a single formula that works for me.

The full time job made me feel as if I was being held captive in a zoo every day.  I would then go home to an empty house.  Now, while the stress of the full time is no longer cluttering my body, mind, and soul, I have to reach for a phone just to feel some sort of connection to the outside world.  I can not afford to go to the local coworking spot every day. The review made me want to cuddle someone all night in search of warmth and comfort.  Life is not bad.  It is just slightly rocky right now as I pick myself up from the floor.