An Inspirational Sight

Sometimes, your life seems to dip into a swirling abyss. All you can do is hope for the best while expecting the next whirlpool. Insomnia seems to be ruining my life at the moment. Focusing on anything is impossible, and people simply irritate me by existing. There is never enough time to do anything, and mornings are my worst enemy. There is no energy to supply anything. Ambition, drive, passion, and multi-tasking are all dead. Small things become large things and the sense of failure begins to creep in. It could really make a girl pout.

After an involved weekend, I ventured to an event to learn more about the intimate side of relationships. Upon arrival, a chair received me. Upon my first survey of the room, everyone looked so very sheik and together. However, the Mistress of Ceremonies was certainly a sight to behold. She looked so very pulled together. I even mentioned to her that she looked like the perfect version of someone that has everything going for her. A big happy smile with a gorgeous outfit. It made me rejoice in the middle of my self criticism. She strutted around the room taking questions and inserting spurts of enthusiasm. It was quite charming. As simple as you take it, it really made me think about myself.

There are some changes that need to take place in order for me to maintain myself. While my womb detox is in the process as we speak, my diet is what put it in jeopardy to begin with. My view of food does not see it as fuel for life; I enjoy eating because it tastes good. My favorite meal is dessert. Anything sweet is my cup of tea. This is not in my best interest given that Diabetes runs in my family. My desire to cook is also going with the wind. I want to hire a food delivery service for a little while. Healthy meals would be delivered to my door, and I could stop worrying about providing myself with three meals a day.

Self-employment sits on my mind. Waking up first thing in the morning does not suit me at all. The sun needs to be in the sky for a few hours before my body should be required to leave my bed. Working on my own agenda sounds like a gem, and the possibility of an assistant causes me to grin. Imagining myself as a consultant of sorts intrigues me.

There is no rhyme or reason to the way that I dress. It is not hip, and it is not an outfit that stops traffic. Conservative, hippie, and all black come to mind when thinking about how my attire embraces me. My wardrobe should express more about who I am overall. Sometimes, I try to attach a goal to my outfit. What is the desire result from this combination of fabric? There are other aspects that are missing. How does one bring such things forward? Yes, the consideration of a stylist has been brought to the table where it still remains.

All of these things ran around my mind after settling into the chair. The Mistress of Ceremonies continued her mission of interacting with people while they responded with comments to the questions on the floor. My wine vanished as I blinked.

Disappointment

It was an opportunity for me to spread the circle to another location. I was ecstatic about this new place for me to gather women. Unfortunately, as I spoke to the secondary business owner, it was clear that she had already decided that my mission was not aligned with her mission before I even opened my mouth. As I returned my laptop to its bag, she voiced a hope of seeing me again. I informed her that my appointment for a Tibetan Palm Healing was the next day in her shop.
The car ride home was filled with utter disappointment as my heart dropped to my feet.
There are any number of reasons why things do not go as hoped when dealing with the game called life. I thought that there was an individual with whom I would marry and bear children. Luckily for me, that did not work out. There is an entire world of self discovery that I would have missed had that path gone as scheduled not to mention the decline of that relationship. My present self would not have been happy with that stagnant energy of a person. It was always an assumption that my job would fulfill me forever which led me to a graduate degree to further educate myself for my profession; the solution to that formula is career transition. Now, here is another slice of disappointment.
My mind wonders through the silver lining of it all. There are no attachments to this part of town now. I am free to come and go as the gypsy that I am. There are other places where I could make my presence felt. The bottom line for me is that I can no longer be in a position where other people make decisions that affect what I do in any aspect of my life.
It was necessary for me to break free from my parents as a twenty something person just to have a say in the direction in the life that I was living. An unhappy best friend decided to make a decision about my life for me without even speaking to me about it which resulted in the end of our friendship. My current job has administration that dictates guidelines and regulations. It is apparent to me that I should push forward in making my dream of self employment a reality if for only one reason; I no longer wish to be told what to do.