Growth is Hard

Growth is not always a walk in the park. Trying to improve your entire life requires extreme efforts on all fronts. You may have to call for professional backup; therapist, maid, chef, astrologer, and stylist just to name a few. At the ripe age of 42, I recognize that there are some things about myself that have gone unchecked and have festered into a creature beyond my control. I have created a team of helpers to reel all of that in. This does not include bottomless mimosas or a quick trip to the nail salon. This is real work.
Constant reflection is required. Cleaning out my closet and folding clothes from the dryer are actual activities. Do you know that you have to make decent food choices so that you do not look like an oversized fluffy teddy bear that people want to hug? Frustrations led to me eating everything in sight earlier this year. Chipotle introduced me to Pinto Beans and Door Dash introduced me to the world of food delivery. My body never stood a chance.
Emotional stress can start illness within your person. A family event found me sick with fever and feeling much like a Leper. There I was coughing like I was about to die. Upon entrance to the examination room, my doctor proclaimed “Bronchitis”. I spent several nights coughing myself to the other side of life. Gasping for air and a lack of appetite swept me into fear. There was a gurgle in my throat simply because I was breathing. A Pap is an easier experience. Moving on…
While learning more about a topic that has always scared me, post it notes, note cards, and highlighters have taken over. I created a positive affirmation wall filled with wonderful IG posts to help me embrace this with an open mind. It is important to keep a willingness to learn new things even if the subject matter is foreign and verbose.
Perhaps the most unsettling part of this entire process is that my sense of self is different. I know who I was but I am not sure who I am or where I am going. What I do know is that I want a change in my life and I am doing what is in my power to get it. There is a flashlight in my hand that is shining a light into places that require more light so that cobwebs can be removed and sunflowers can freely reach for the sun. Growth is not always easy and this one is putting me in the race for my own fulfillment. However, if I do not address it now, then I never will.

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