Ten years ago, I buried my best friend. Daddy was an excellent father and an all around outstanding human being. The loss of his physical presence was a difficult adjustment, but I was happy to know that he was with me in spirit. My mother’s demise has been a long time coming. It began with a simple forgetfulness to not recognizing me some days. The weight loss was severe. The robust feisty woman that I knew became a skeleton right before my very eyes. Her social life slowly came to a halt. Within the last year, I have been unable to see her as much because I simply could not endure it. A few days ago, my brother told me that she was about to enter hospice. That was when I knew that the day that I have been dreading since I buried my father was upon me. My mother is about to die.
I have been here in her home at her bedside reading Bible scriptures and playing hymns on Spotify. In an effort to continue my personal growth, I reached out to my tribe for their help. This process requires support. They text, call, and check on me. One friend hosted me of the evening in her home. It was so nice to be in a house of good company. The food was home cooked and the conversation was just what I needed. My transparency has earned me much needed solace during this difficult time.
When you watch someone die, a myriad of emotions take place. Sadness. Anger. A feeling of helplessness as you just want God to take the person. You do not understand why it is taking so long. In the meantime, I still have to work as the bills are still coming at me. The best part? After someone passes away, you have a lot of paperwork to deal with. The debriefing period is a chaos all until itself.
Praying helps me. I feel the presence of my father as he awaits the time that my mother departs from this world. He will no doubt escort her to the other side where she will face God on her Day of Judgement and enter into the white pearly gates. This is according to her devout faith in Jesus Christ as a good Christian soldier. I can only pray that he welcomes her home with open arms. She has lived her life and deserves a peaceful eternal rest.
My brother has been quite the epitome of a true man. The way that he tends to our mother is unmatched and he takes great pride in doing so. I am left to deal with my feelings and the ongoing storm that is my life. May God have mercy on all of our souls.