I recently joined a group on Facebook that is called: I BLAME DISNEY FOR MY HIGH EXPECTATIONS IN MEN. While thinking about the concept of this name, I realized that all of these wonderful Disney movies that we watched as children did not help us deal with reality. How did this fairy tale of Prince Charming get started and why are we still falling for it? Why are we groomed for it?
“You have to take care of your hair so that you can attract the attention of a young man…..”
“If you want children, you should really start now…”
“Well, have you given any thought to settling down?”
“You want to find someone to complete you…”
“You take the last name of the man to honor him…”
“What do you think your role in this family is?”
“How do you expect to get married if you can’t cook!”
(I WILL MARRY A CHEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
During some weddings, the educational backgrounds of the couple are mentioned. It would seem as if getting married is given equal footing with a degree…..what? How? Is the marriage ceremony now the equivalent of a graduation ceremony, a major accomplishment that you have for your resume? “Oh, you are to be commended for picking a good mate to father your children and support you.” What about simply celebrating the fact that a strong connection has been made to another human being? (which should be done on various levels and not reserved just for an expensive wedding.)
Where does this notion of the beautiful blushing maiden being rescued by her strapping Prince Charming originate? Disney even has a wedding package that sells this concept. Anita Baker has a song about this illusion, and it is more accurate about what happens in real life. Forever is a long time. It is not necessarily a magical thing. Getting along with another person in a sacred union is not always a walk in the park. It takes work, time, and dedication. It isn’t always filled with lush beautiful colors and glass slippers. More often than not, you will probably break your heel. When do we graduate from this fairy tale line of thinking into, I shall prepare myself for the sake of my own personal fulfillment?
Instead of singing, “Someday My Prince Will Come”, I would rather slay some dragons myself. Instead of “Wishing for the One I Love”, I would like to love my own life. Why do I have to style my hair according to what a man may or may not like? What about me? I need to like it. Its my hair on my head, and I am paying for it. When the now famous, “YOU COMPLETE ME” was uttered, I think the fairy tale line of thinking was extended. Now, there is a movie reference for life: you need a mate to complete you and make you whole because you are considered incomplete without your other half. I want to throw myself off a cliff.
Half. Whole. Each person has dualities: masculine and feminine. It is bad enough that the world emphasizes the masculine which has damaged us on a whole. Women have grown away from their natural selves and pass this inflated nonsense on to the next generation. Even worse than that, many of us accept just the yang as our own approach to life. Example: Sex. Yes, I am going there.
How many of us thought that just getting access to sex was everything that we wanted? If I can just have some dick, I will be fine. Did anyone tell you about the clitoris or that most women can’t orgasm with just vaginal intercourse? Was the clitoris mentioned when you learned about how a woman gets pregnant? Well, if a woman isn’t aware of how to please herself…what am I referencing? Masturbation. If a woman doesn’t know how to please herself and relies on the typical gas station method of a man…you know, pulls in, fills up and leaves…how does she ever get satisfied? There is an entire industry dedicated to helping the woman find her own hot spots so that she can enjoy sex on the highest tantric level. However, if she was encouraged to explore herself instead of thrown at a man like a fish to a whale, she may have greater levels of sheer bliss without paying a sex therapist.
There is something to be said about a return to the way things where, a more traditional approach. Women used to console each other not fight on television like boxers. We are natural healers that understand the herbs in the garden that we tend not pill popping machines. It used to be that we understood our intuition, our inner guidance without it being blocked by the loud obnoxious influences of the world. Our Moon Time was considered sacred. The grandmother used to be in the center of the society not in the nursing home tucked away in the corner. Yes, as I tweet on my IPHONE, the words do talk about the divine, the feminine. Yes, as I type on my FACEBOOK timeline, the subject is about the women’s’ circle that I am organizing.
It was just earlier today that I was told that I know something about teas…all of us know about teas. I have taken to sharing them with my friends because I believe in their power to heal our ailments. They were the original medicine. They grew freely in our gardens and we boiled them for various reasons. There wasn’t a prescription or even a physical. If you had nausea, you gathered some mint and drank it. End of story.
Back to Cinderella and company. These entertaining tales of Prince Charming have gone way beyond their scripts. I am not saying that Prince Charming doesn’t exist. He could be right around the corner. Its just that a life should not be groomed just to find out if he is. There is so much to experience as a woman on this planet. The journey is often quite beautiful and rather fulfilling. I just think that many aspects of true living are missed when we fall for that Happily Ever After line over and over again. My tea is ready.