When attempting to understand yourself, interest, curiosities, and routine can unlock a wealth of knowledge. Perhaps you like to run in the park in the morning. There is a lot of information in this one statement. Mornings are your power time, and you like to bond with nature. You probably want to stay fit and are working towards staying healthy. Freelances often revel in the ability to control their schedules. Night owls like to move in silence under the cover of darkness. The world is asleep and out of the way. There is no noise or unnecessary interruptions as they check tasks off their to do lists. By the same token, they probably do not feel like embracing the sun. Different strokes for different folks.
As time progresses, you can find out even more. My thirties were all about the things that make me feel good. I had nothing but time to explore new roads. My days were consumed with activities that fulfilled me. Certain types of friends fell away while new ones entered. Feelings became more solidified and easy to understand. Intuition became an actual thing vs. a word in the dictionary. Because I did not conform to the expectation that I should be married with children running around, it was easy for me to come and go as I pleased.
When my fourth decade began, baby fever did hit. Hard. Baby pages on IG became my favorite. I befriended a pregnant coworker. I would visit Baby Depot and not get offended when asked if I wanted to be on the mailing list. However, I began to see that without the proper support, having a baby would be rather challenging. It was not a priority over being married or anything else. Self improvement embraced me once again as I focused on new goals.
These days find me looking at the shadows within myself. I am addressing the gray areas and cobwebs of my life. If something is not working, there is something else that may. Socializing is on hold as all of my time is being dedicated to me on all fronts. Appointments with medical doctors have been made. Falling back into ten minute yoga. Funeral insurance is being purchased and plans for my career as a self-employed maven are in place.
If you ask me how I feel, I will respond with progressive. This is a constant work in progress. Most days find me with more emotional stability than I have had in a few months. The pang of loneliness does not cloud my sky. Nutrition and physical fitness will have to be addressed again. My overall appearance is not poor, but my rising weight and stalled hair maintenance leave much to be desired in my mind. It is a good time for me to gather all of myself and reach for the level where I truly want to be on all fronts. It requires true unwavering dedication and work.
My life is no stranger to such work. Pilates is a testament to that as well as all of the math encounters of my collegiate days. Growth requires work that is not glamourous. You can’t post the tears of healing. The painful realizations that your best friend is your worst enemy is not the happy go lucky mimosa discussion. Understanding that your own family harbors jealousy towards you for glowing is not a piercing that you want to wear. Everything in life is not social media perfect nor will it possess angelic grace. Life can often be a bitter pill to swallow with hard times and dark days that lead into darker nights. Ugliness and shame. Pity and despair.
You are still responsible for rising back to the top to feel the sunlight on your skin. This is why I think Disney is the cause for many a misunderstanding. No one is coming to save you. There is no happily ever after. All good things will come to an end. You could have all of the resources of the world at your fingertips but unless you are willing to use them, they are of no consequence to you. Improve yourself for yourself. Why? Your happiness in this lifetime is priceless.