After teaching my two hour bellydance workshop, my body felt completely empty. I treated myself to a ginger shot and slinked home in the hopes of eating before passing out. The type of work that I enjoy doing is helping women to discover themselves. When a woman presents herself and voices her insecurities, more often than not, I see her a more divine version that she is completely unaware of. A woman that knows herself and what she can do is a force to be reckoned with. Unfortunately, too many spew their shortcomings and endless complaints about predicaments that entangle them. It is easy to say cut the cord or walk away when it is not you in the middle of the storm. This is especially true because true change only happens when the individual decides that it is going to happen; not a minute before. Such a transformation is not easy and often affects each aspect of the human psyche: emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental. It is not uncommon to lose friends and gain new ones or even to go into a period of solitude.
It was two years ago when I realized that I had more to offer than what I was doing. I had always been under the impression that I had a side career as a musician that helped me with everything in life. It was a personality clash with a wedding coordinator that prompted me to make a statement. I did not study music my entire life to simply be the background music for a wedding. There is much more to the life of a musician. I had developed a talent for improvisation while on the job, and decided that it was high time that I did something with it. The result was my debut cd: “THE BEGINNING”. My world was suddenly filled with photo shoots, editing sessions, and composing. I funded the entire thing myself. It was something that made me proud of myself.
It was around this time that I began to see things differently. I realized that there were countless businesses that I supported: food, gas, dance, hair, nails, clothes, mailing supplies…it dawned on me that I used to have a company. Why, I even received a scholarship in college to attend a womens’ business center so that I could learn more about the world of business. Unfortunately, due to the hardships of life, it went by the wayside. Since it wasn’t my main source of income, there wasn’t a major issue because of its vanishing. Now, I realized that I wanted it back. I needed it so that I could refine my mission and go forward. It took a year before it was mine again. It felt great to see my business name once again.
Since then, I have taken business classes, massaged former clients, reached out to new ones, and have managed to acquire an assistant. Her efforts alone have helped me a great deal in attempting to streamline my life. I still maintain two jobs and try to live as much as possible. Such juggling can be quite difficult. Her presence is a present from the creator. She shall be front and center at my recital next month selling my tank tops that as well as my cds. There are plans for a second cd as well as artistic collaborations. Since 2010, I have composed and performed for dancers, poets, and artists. Why, I even wrote music for a theatrical production.
This is not to say that the road has been free of obstacles. There are some months when my phone does not ring for any engagements. Incoming checks do not always arrive on time. Contracts are cancelled due to circumstances beyond anyone’s control. I tire of people asking me to perform for free or for a reduced rate as if I do not have a mortgage that does not afford me such luxuries. Sometimes, I just want to take a nap instead of fighting traffic to be on time for an engagement. The flip side is that I have more of a say in what I am doing because I am in charge. That alone give me a feeling of satisfaction that I do not have during the day.
How long have I had to take directions from someone else or conform to something that no longer serves me? The day that I realized that I was stuck in the Matrix was a sad day. While I was asleep, life was fine. Once I realized that my situation no longer served me, my discomfort became unbearable. I am still making strides towards fixing my predicament; however, the road is hard and slow moving. It is not impossible. In my heart, I know the time will come for that complete break through moment which I desire so very much with all of my being.
It pleases me to be able to have resources at my fingertips that are able to provide me with assistance with just about everything in my life. I have begun to offer some of these resources as workshop presenters for Lady Speaks. A guest astrologer is with us during the month of October, and Raks Chakra is visiting as well. I have seen the need for mothers to understand more about how their children learn and a local educator that is currently finishing her studies as a doctoral candidate has agreed to do a workshop with this subject matter.
I wanted to share these sentiments with all of you this morning because of my realization. Anytime that I have had the courage or even the mere notion that a change was required and my foot had to be stomped on the ground in order to make it happen, I have seen progress and felt joy. Many of you have reached out to me about this insurance company that will not go away. The second mistake that I have made with them is that I have continued to entertain what they need to say after I have voiced that I am no longer interested. Why? I am afraid of being perceived as rude or a person that isn’t nice. Well, where has being nice gotten me in this situation? Let’s go back to my cd. I created that because of a situation that brought me to tears. I was able to take something that made me feel horrible and turn it into a beautiful situation for myself. The feedback that I have received from my music has been that of a standing ovation.
Now that I think about it, this is the day after the Fall Equinox. What better time to reflect upon regeneration, rebirth. Certain names come to mind: Kali, Oya, Demeter, Persephone. The seasons are in transition. The sun will not be as dominant anymore and will begin to give way to shorter evenings and cooler temperatures. The leaves will change colors and fall away from the trees. It is time to look into the other side of ourselves. Darkness does not mean evil. Our shadows are a part of us and do not exist without the light. What strengths lurk there that often go unnoticed?
Maybe you have something that you want to share with people or offer on a grander scale. You owe it to yourself to look into it. We as women spend so much time supporting everything and everyone else with little to no regard for ourselves. There is never going to be a good time for you to invest in yourself. You have to choose to make the time and guard it. There are people that get extremely jealous because they see others doing what they have not done for themselves. My response to that feeling is that you can not be upset for not seeing the results for the work that you choose not to do. Oh, its too hard. Life is hard but you are still living it…or existing, which one? You have only to see this desire in yourself and share it with the universe. Help will appear. You may not even recognize it when it does, but do not let that hinder your efforts. Find your resources and build your support group. TRY! Failure means that you made an attempt.
I was told to do a blog back in 2008, but never gave much thought to it. It took the words of a dear friend that had a heart to heart with me. She said that I only discuss certain things with certain people. Why not share that information with a larger audience with the correct platform? Go out there and find it because you can. Your voice is loud and strong. That was last summer. Now, here I am blogging away, creating circles, and sponsoring workshops. Women contact me with all sorts of situations, and I am more than happy to assist. Why, I even have a budding male following.
When the year started, I was getting ready to return to my day job and take a nap. Be your own inspiration and positive people and things will rally around you. This is not something that I have read. It is something that I am living. I am going to list my upcoming events with this post. They are also listed on the classes page. If any of them speak to you, please feel free to contact me for more information. Walk your truth and be your light.
Intro to Astrology Class $25/$30 Sunday, October 7 4-5pm
Autumn Recital Sunday, October 28 5:30pm www.ladyofharp.com
Raks Chakra coming soon…..
Multiple Intelligences (TBA)
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I have had the pleasant experience of requesting things and having them happen. I asked for a topic for a specific radio show about two weeks ago, and the moderator not only accepted but delivered an educational show that I needed. I then provided her with a testimonial which included my results from her suggestions.
A topic was briefly covered once during a dance class that I really enjoyed. I emailed the instructor and told her how much I enjoyed the brief introduction, and that I would appreciate a workshop of this nature. She spoke to the manager the same day, and a workshop was scheduled within two weeks. The workshop was sold out and the teacher had to make a part II in order to meet the demand.
Why it was just last week that I pulled my hot sexy diva mama fitness instructor to the side and said, you need to do a class on just that one little movement. She smiled at me and said that she would.
The questioning process can continue to other areas of your life. If you know that you need a certain amount of time to get a project done, why not approach your boss on the spot instead of waiting until the week prior to the deadline to begin sweating. Maybe, you want your boyfriend to take you dancing, but it has yet to happen. Do not drop hints…ask him.
If there is something that you want, ask for it aloud so that the universe can send it to you. Of course, there is the old adage of be careful of what you ask because you may just get it. ***That will be covered in another post.