The sight of the tiny elevator sent me to the stairs. Into the office I wandered. Once I settled into the chair, the dentist came to talk to me. The numbing process began. Three shots later, it had not taken to his liking. The gums were given an extra dosage as a precaution, and he proceeded with care. The chair held me for what was at least an hour. My body shook without my consent. He continued to check on me as the nerves had gotten the best of me. I just wanted him to finish. Between the sight and sounds of the tools, the process was entirely too much for me. The comedy on the virtual television was an attempt at a proper distraction. I thought about my father. I thought about a new friend. The chair continued to hold me, and he continued to work.
Throughout the procedure, there were random spurts of sensations that should not be experienced by anyone. Apparently, the tissues in the tooth were extremely inflamed and there were four roots; the man had work to do. When the chair finally released me, thoughts of passing out from my first wisdom tooth resurfaced. I moved slowly to make certain that I was okay. There were directions for medication, and a follow up appointment in addition to the crown that the referring dentist would have to do. Yes, there is more torture.
The prescription was filled immediately, and I went home. Lunch is not an option, and the folding of clothes seemed reasonable enough. My mother was MIA….again. There was no one to share my experience with. The schedule shall pick up later this evening as a performance and poetry show will keep me busy. A friend shall join me to enjoy the animate prose. This is not an experience that I would wish upon anybody.
I think that it is time that you understand how I feel about you. I have tried to keep the peace by purchasing different types of products to accommodate your various moods. You care nothing about my precious underwear or my life. You bleed for unreasonable lengths of time and cause bottles of Alleve to simply appear. Friends have begun delivering hot fudge sundaes to appease my ridiculous cravings.
There have been medical interventions since the day you arrived; the ultrasounds! I have tried to embrace you by wearing red bracelets to honor your presence. The fact of the matter is that I hate it when you are here and love it when you are gone. You interrupt my life as I know it. Sex is put on hold. Let me repeat that to you. Sex is put on hold. Suddenly, I am in pain and experience strong emotional upheavals. Lest we forget the trauma that you caused earlier this year. I was screaming first thing in the morning and crying prior to noon. My body spent the remainder of the day putting a hot air balloon to shame as I lay helpless on the bathroom floor.
I wore all black to work today. It was the perfect color. At approximately 10:45am, you decided to allow entire gallons of blood to gush forth like a flash flood. All of a sudden, my body felt flushed with heat. I thought that I was going to break into a sweat. As I reached for my chair, I quickly sat down so that the crimson waves could hopefully subside without anyone hearing sounds.
I do not want children yet there are stretch marks on my body. I am proud to be a woman and plan to reincarnate as this gender forever. Why on God’s green earth do I have to experience this “gift” every single month of my natural life is beyond my understanding. Why do women cry when they no longer get their period? I personally plan to have a party and invite all of my friends.
Perhaps in the future, you could be more understanding of the havoc that you cause. I will also be sending you a list of the type of underwear that I like from Victoria’s Secret. You owe me.
It has been about four days now since the verdict was announced. The reality that many had thought was of yesteryear became present day. The argument about the law, race relations, riots, and protesting all run wildly on the Sahara of America today. My exposure has been limited to the radio and Facebook which in truth is too much. The pain of the people is a great weight to feel.
As my mind wanders through the tragedy over and over again, my heart returns to the same place. At the center of this, there are two parents that brought this child into the world; that child is no longer here. There is a mother that is mourning the loss of her baby. There is a father that will never see his son again. Their pain is in the spotlight. They went from being unrecognizable to having their lives splashed all over the media.
I have heard about all the things that are being planned. Stevie Wonder refuses to perform in Florida which is significant because this is the same individual that fought with his talent to make the birthday of MLK a national holiday. Boycotts of the state by other groups are openly being discussed on Facebook. It looks as tourism is about to take a hit. Others yet plan to move away out of fear that their sons will meet the same tragic fate. One mother has removed all of the hoodies from her home. How does this permeate my humble existence? How do I feel?
My feeling is one of sadness. My feeling is one of regret. My feeling is that the spirit of the Civil Rights Era is about to explode. Then there is the question of what can I do? What is my role? For maybe the first time in my life, my role is very clear to me.
There are many people that are actively working to do something positive about this situation. They will need prayer. Aren’t you the same person that just posted that prayer also requires action on your part? Yes, I did. While I do not forsee myself participating in a protest, there are other ways that I can assist. Someone may need to relax their mind and escape for a while just to breathe. Harp music soothes all nerves. There are women that may want to talk about their fears for their own children in the wake of it all. I facilitate womens’ circles and would gladly offer to do a special ongoing series for this matter. It is now my honorable duty to make certain that I keep myself balanced so that when it is my turn to help, I will be ready.
Yes, here I am. Looking out of my window and thinking about my day. It will not be long before I petition Archangel Azrael to remain at Sabrina Fulton’s side. She must fight this battle while the memory of her son is fresh in her mind and heavy on her heart. Dear God, if I do nothing else today please let me ask you to hold her. No parent should ever have to bury her child.
As two pillows were placed on the bathroom floor, I was thankful that at least I would not be cold while laying next to the toilet. The extreme nausea made laying in bed pointless. It was a sleepless night followed by a day without food. Not even a drop of water. Tea seemed too distant for me to grasp. There was no way that my body could accept it. After two angst ridden days, my body began to move the toxic energy that had consumed the lower chakras. There were emotional outbursts. My beloved friend received frantic text messages every hour in the hopes that she could relay my final moments to my family. There was crying. Random thoughts were at an all time high. My life had been interrupted with pain that I would not wish on my worst enemy. The dreams were at night and during the day. I felt like an oracle that had been left in the dark world. It was the worst menstrual cycle of my entire life.
Now that I am coming out of my bout of terror, there are some things that I am able to see very clearly. All I could do throughout this time was pray to Archangel Raphael to consume me in his healing green light. It was not a time of bonding or warmth. Darkness and cold settled into ever constant thoughts of losing my stomach into a dark abyss. All I had was faith that my bathroom would not be my final resting place. It was not. It is unclear what transpired to this very day.
It is important to take the necessary steps to protect and maintain yourself. We are often the targets of stimuli from various targets. A lot of it is not pleasant and can cause subtle changes within you that linger into massive destruction. Something as simple as email or even an unpleasant phone call can turn a person into a heaving wreck.
Be aware of yourself. Tune into your needs and understand your limitations. If you have to take a moment for yourself on a daily basis, do so. If you have to lengthen those moments due to rather stressful situations, there is nothing wrong with that. Prayer in the middle of a crisis can do wonders for clarity with guidance often being provided on the spot. Never leave home without your protection be it your cross or favorite crystal; I personally like to use both. Extremely sensitive people tend to have various levels of protection for any given predicament that can strike in the course of a day. A popular remedy for energy shifting is spiritual bathing with many recipes being available on the internet.
Always know what makes you happy so that you have immediate resources avaialble to you. When you are overwhelmed or struck with a heavy mood, you need an instant healing and will not have the wits to research. Many women enjoy some form of dance as a regular therapy while others prefer to shop in the malls. Whatever works for you is what you should use. I once planned an impromptu Happy Hour and had smiling happy people around me for hours; it worked wonders for me.
You always want to be aware of how you can properly release anything that is within you that is hurting you. Pain is always a good indication. That tightening in your stomach before you speak to a certain individual or that pesky headache that suddenly appears whenever you go to a certain location. These are not imaginary feelings. They exist and serve as your warning system. Listen to what is being said to you. Honor your feelings and thus honor yourself and those around you that matter the most.