After leaving the gyn, I went straight home. A candle was lit and my hands started writing about my feeligns. The news was not bad; however, it tugged on a few strings for me. Surgery was offered as an option. My immediate response was that unless it is required, I do not want it. A course of action was determined in order for me to remain under observation. When I wrote that I felt all alone, Niagara Falls suddenly filled the living room. Afterwards, a massage was scheduled and my evening unfolded.
It was close to midnight when it scurried across my path. While looking for my phone charger, a kitten appeared out of thin air. It was soon sitting in my lap purring away. We spent what felt like an hour together. My eyes focused on the beautiful full moon as a smile crossed my face. I asked the kitten who sent you to me? Because I knew that it was a gift from God to ease my sorrows. We played together and rolled around my porch. It even followed me to my door and would be inside now had I not explained that a pet is not on my agenda. Granted, if it is still there in the morning…..
As you live your life in the aftermath of a parental transition, you experience a shadow that you can not visually see. You feel it every day. A wide range of emotions occur. You find yourself crying without explanation and extreme joy in random situations. Everyone has to face this experience. When I look at my mother now, my feelings are quite different. It is a blessing that I have her; however, the feeling of the ticking clock is not one that shakes off me easily.
This is my third encounter with death on a personal level. It has been different each time with each man. The murder of my boyfriend was unbearable and left me in a state of shock for approximately six months. It was not long ago that I lost a friend to yet another murder. The transition of my father is bittersweet. My understanding of what happens after the spirit leaves the body is more solid now than it was before. What I am experiencing now is the concept of never speaking to my father in his physical body again in my life. The truth of the matter is that I speak to him every day. When I wake up, I say good morning Daddy. We share a breakfast beverage before my schedule gets underway. We share conversations throughout the day and then a prayer before bed.
Music in all of its forms gets me through the day; Performing, listening, composing, and advising. The radio is on throughout the day. It is switched to my IPHONE at night for meditation music for sleeping purposes. Do I have bad moments? Of course. That is simply the nature of the beast. An amazing thing that has happened is that new people have befriended me during all of this. We chat and make plans for merriment and fun. My heart wants to be happy which is what I shall strive to be.
The physical separation is difficult. My mind eases knowing that one day, I shall be in my father’s arms again. We shall watch a movie and eat popcorn. I will perform songs from Phantom of the Opera. Why, we can even compare our bald heads…
These days find me in place where I am not as introverted. Talking to people is very pleasant, and alone time isn’t craved as much as it was before. It is also my belief that long periods inside the house are troublesome for me. After an evening performance with an appreciative audience, my mother wasn’t responding to my calls. Alas, this left me no choice but to return to my home all by my lonesome.
Thoughts of the Oreo cookie cake filled my mind as my instrument was unloaded. Perhaps there would be a good movie on Netflix. The FB messenger indicated that a friend wanted me to go to the drum circle. It had been quite some time since I attended one. As a smile crossed my made up face, beach attire was put together and out the door I went.
I nestled into the sand and gazed at the beauty of the full moon overlooking all of us. The pull of her glory simply captivated me. My father crossed my mind as if he were sitting next to me admiring the moon too. It made me smile. He probably has a new perspective of everything on earth and the universe. My friend soon arrived and we made our way to the drums. It was there that we unleashed the shimmies and the shakes; there is something ancestral about a drum that just makes you want to be a part of the rhythm.
The flood gates are about to open. People will run the streets in a shopping cult running from store to store bursting credit card limits the world over. A sentimental feeling will begin to overcome people and the large shall become larger. This is a good time to book extra classes at your local gym. Take a walk when you wake up after you stretch and stay hydrated.
Couples will get closer. Some will conceive a child. Single people may meet someone under that famed mistletoe. Mind the egg nog while Santa Baby is on the airwaves. Things have been known to mysteriously happen. If they do, please remember to have a Santa hat handy so as to avoid extra unwanted presents that can not be returned to the sender or store.
There will be the What Do the Lonely Do At Christmas Crew. You will not recognize them at a party or even in public because that is the easy part. It is behind closed doors that a deep unknown abyss opens during this time of year for many a lone soul. I plead with you to include anyone that you feel is without people in your celebrations during this time of year. A simple smile does so much for people that are sad and lonely.
Everyone knows the ever popular matriach. She cooks. She cleans. She raises the kids and the grandkids. Waits hand and foot on her husband and does not mind yet another ten people showing up for dinner unannounced….that is what she will say to you through the most pleasant of smiles. She needs a break. She needs to go to the spa and not talk to anyone for about a day. You may call this person a friend. If so, kidnap her and take her to the beach. Deposit her cell phone in the sand and allow her to play in the waves so that she can refresh herself. Make sure that you take a dip too. Women must remember to enjoy themselves during this season as well and avoid stressing themselves out while others are having a good time.
The Full Moon is right around the corner with the end of Mercury in Retrograde. The Winter Solstice is also upon us. There is much work to be done on my behalf. There is much to be executed during the month of December not to mention….I am still looking for a hot number for the Holiday Circle next month. There are angels to connect with, readings to do, and meditation to calm. Maintaining balance is important and a full time dedication. I am happy to wish all of you a very pleasant SEASONS’ GREETINGS.
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