THINGS THAT A WOMAN DOES NOT WANT TO HEAR FROM HER GYN

 Saturday, August 6, 2011 at 9:00pm ยท

1.) WHAT IS THIS?

2.) I CAN USE THIS SIZE BUT IF IT I CAN’T SEE, THEN I HAVE TO GET A BIGGER TOOL AND WE WANT TO AVOID GOING IN TWICE.

3.) THAT IS JUST A RIDGE.

4.) WE ONLY HAVE THESE NO NAME DIAPERISH PANTY LINERS.

5.) WHY HAVEN’T YOU HAD SEX IN THAT AMOUNT OF TIME?

6.) WHY DO YOU THINK THAT YOU KILLED YOUR BOYFRIEND?

7.) A BABY CAN FIT THROUGH THERE BUT YOU DO NEED TO EXERCISE MORE….ITS SO TIGHT.

8.) RELAX OR ELSE I MAY GET STUCK…

9.) LET YOUR LEGS FALL….RELAX…

10.) YOU MAY SPOT FOR A FEW DAYS BUT YOU WILL BE FINE AFTER THAT.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TORTUREMASTERS

Thursday, July 30, 2009

***This is dedicated to my original Torturemaster.  This is one of the many retorts that she endured during my life changing training with her.

****This commentary is not for the faint or easily offended.  This is my honest gut opinion.  I do hope that it brings a smile to your face.  Please feel free to comment at your leisure. Love, Lady.

All of these people: gym rats, yoginis, bellydancers, pilates people, secretly belong to a society known as the torture masters.  Their meetings are held in underground caves so that members have no traceable roots.  Information is maintained by blindfolded griots so that they are unable to identify members by sight.  Such people are initiated by their extreme desire to sculpt their bodies in some way shape or form be it consciously or otherwise.
(separate reflection minus a segue)

Just when you thought that there couldn’t possibly be any more ways of your ass being tortured, a torture master pushes your buttons or ass cheeks depending on what class you are taking today.  Do you realize that these people pay money to attend workshops with highly skilled experts in order to learn new forms of torture to your already pained flesh?  The best part of this shit is that we return for more.  Now ask yourself, does this make us curious, saddistic, or just plain stupid?  Why on earth do we subject ourselves to this demise?  I know that I would rather be laying my fat ass on the beach sipping a fattening margarita, but I digress.

Last night serves as a perfect example.  I saw a girl with wearing a short set, 2 piece in white; it is important to wear clothes that compliment your frame.  While I myself am packing close to 200lbs, ( I have lost weight since some people have been putting their feet…BOTH…in my ass for weeks at a time now) I hope that I have enough sense to cover what I don’t want revealed until it is to my own personal satisfaction.  Will I ever identify with the strifes and pains of skinny people? Not in this time or the next.  My metabolism is slow, I had to change my entire diet, increase my water intake (which makes me feel like a puffy cow), go on a Colonics program, suffer through different types of body training and look good doing it….to lose….(wait for it)….
READ: approximately 10lbs.