12:18am

My phone rang at 12:18am and immediately hung up. I checked the number to see what was happening and instantly recognized the caller. It was the sister of my former bff. Former because she used and abused me for years until she crossed a line from which our “friendship” never recovered. I banished her into another realm along with her jealousy and insecurities. Why on earth would her sister still have my number to call me by “accident” at that time of morning?
I reached out to a neutral friend that had background information. Apparently, she received a phone call approximately three months ago which began with a reference and then turned into a book about me. The sister was suddenly put on threeway to discuss me. My sexuality was questioned with rumors and the sentiments about me needing Jesus were made. My friend chose to respond by saying that she kissed a girl before and like it. She also went on to say that I live my life in a manner that makes me happy. I am free spirited and will continue to do what I want. No information about whom I am kissing or worshipping.
It was 2009 when this dysfunctional friendship was deleted. She was causing major problems in my life because of her jealousy. My weight loss brought up a lot of ugliness out of her. Here it is 2017, and she has not released me yet. Why isn’t there anything in your life that is consuming you so that you are not worried about what I am doing? On the one hand I a flattered that you find me so interesting to the point of obsession. However, it is also a rather pathetic state of affairs that you are still so taken by me. Is perhaps your sexuality in question? Do you need Jesus? You do not go to church so shouldn’t your religious views be taken lightly?
At this stage of the game, there are certain things that I will not tolerate. This is why you never heard from me again. You are not relevant or conducive to further growth on my part. Your mistreatment taught me so much and gave me most of the material for the sisterhood. We do not have any place in each other’s lives anymore. You did exactly what you wanted to do with me and made a bed that you obviously have trouble laying in. Well, I am still here living my life, doing what I want. There are nicer people around me now. There isn’t anyone that is trying to use me or stab me in the back. My existence is celebrated. I get the opportunity to have deep conversations with people and genuine feelings are shared. Some experiences are good. Some experiences are not so good, but they are all mine to reflect upon. Maybe one day, you can also heal from the trauma that you call a life and be happy for yourself.

Dear Issac

As I sit in front of my computer on a Saturday night, my mind reflects on the transition back to work and how eventful the week was. I have not had a lot of time for myself and have enjoyed my chance to finally exist without the insane madness. The impending weather seems to have affected much of the normal activity and people seem to be in a huff over a natural happening.

A hurricane is a nautral phenomena. It brings about change to the environment. I think of it as a destructive force that will cause the ultimate in recreation. The earth will be blessed with much needed rain for our crops to produce nourishing food for our bodies. Heavy winds will blow seeds to the four corners of the earth thus causing life in places where it did not exist before. The skies will be gray as a balance to the sun to which we are so accustomed. It will make us appreciate it the warmth that much more when it returns.

Many of us will be confined indoors without the normal excuse of work or appointments to separate us from bonding as families. I venture to say that many babies will be conceived over the next three days or so. New life in the universe is always an awesome event. This would be a wonderful time to attend to that extra hour of sleep that you have been needing or attempting that meditation that always escapes you. Because today was slower than my week, I was able to reach out to my wonderful sisters that perhaps needed to hear from me. I am grateful to have extended the hand of friendship because I received warmth in return.

As for the coming storm, I welcome the opportunity to slow down. It will be a time to just enjoy the myself and better understand the forces of nature. It reminds me of my vacation of slow living without the hectic pace of work interrupting my thoughts or attempts at healthy living. Now, I have already lost my probiotics and seem to be out of water. So it is with the trials and tribulations of trying to maintain balance in a world that runs rampant with negativity. I mentioned the forces of nature….

As I drove home last night from a rather productive meditation, the weather was horrible. The heavens opened and released water from damns that are unknown in this dimension. The electric show was also quite a production; it was worth money. I wasn’t threatened by all of this; however, that was prior to the sole lightning bolt that decided to strike the earth on the other side of the highway. No human should have to experience the proximity of such heat. The awesome power was a testiment to the fact that there is a superior officer in charge of us all. We are simply inhabitants of a place that we are borrowing. It was terrifying and beautiful all at once. I do not know if I would repeat the experience, but I welcome its lessons.

As I sit here typing away on a quiet Saturday night, I hope that people come together in a loving way this weekend. May of next year should have obstetricians running around like chickens without heads. Bond with each other. Share the warmth. Bask in the love. Nature is going to run her course whether or not we get all bent out of shape that it may rip off our roof. Be prepared to remain safe..but maybe, you could turn off the lights before the power goes out and enjoy that bottled water next to someone special.