James: THE CHEATER

He was attractive and had a skill. We exchanged numbers. Within a week, his kisses were accompanied with fondling. I blinked and he asked me point blank, “When are we going to have sex?”. Unfortunately for me, I tend to give people too much credit. This was a red flag yet I trudged ahead. He soon vanished to New York for a week without letting me know. Upon returning, he asked me, “How jealous are you on a scale of 1-10? Because if I saw you in the street with someone else, I would not approach you in an inappropriate manner.” It was one of the strangest conversations of my entire life.
When I told him that his boss hit on me, he told me not to be mean to the individual because his boss was his friend. One evening, I asked him to take me to the movies. His response, “Oh, so you want to take your man to the movies!”. I ended up going with a friend. All of these circus acts were extremely strange to me because I do not play games with people. As a result, they often go unnoticed by me with serious questions. While explaining his behavior to a friend one evening, something dawned on me. He soon heard his phone ringing. He soon heard me asking him if he was sleeping with someone. All of a sudden he claimed that he had to go. He heard the same question again to which he finally relented, “I can not tell a lie. I am seeing someone else.” My voice declared that he had a girlfriend and that he was trying to cheat on her with me. It was not going to happen. He said that he did not see it that way. I screamed at him that he should never call me again in his life. Messages started coming in along the lines of, “I am sorry that I could not take you to the movies.”.
This happened a long time ago. A lot has changed since then. Now, I know what I want. I am in tune with my feelings, and there it is not a problem for me to cut someone off or subtract myself from the equation. This man never gave me any reason to give him the benefit of the doubt. He earned suspicion and a lot interrogation. Instead he received the benefit of the doubt, and two weeks of my life. It was not a waste because this was a lesson for me. Now, it is a lesson for anyone that cares to read it.

Follow Your Gut

It was the so called “sweet” sixteen year of my life. A new youth pastor came to the church where I was a musician. Upon arrival, he proceeded to contact all of the teenage girls after 10pm via phone. Let me also mention that none of the boys were contacted. Once this was brought to the attention of the pastor’s wife, he was promptly briefed on proper interactions with his young flock. Upon sight, I did not care for this individual. My father could not stand him and made that known to my mother who insisted that I give him a chance.
One Sunday morning after service, I made my way to the bathroom. Unfortunately, I saw the youth pastor on the way. My feet took me through an alternative route into the kitchen. All of a sudden, the door slammed behind me and he was standing there staring at me. He said that if he did not know better, he would think that I was trying to avoid him. A nervous smile crossed my face as I escaped through the opposite door. When I went home, I told my father what happened. He furiously explained to my mother that she would take care of the situation that same day or else neither of us would return to the church. She called the pastor’s wife again. The youth pastor was married within weeks and soon vanished. Never to be heard from again.

Deep Thought

Human bonding involves risk. It is not for the faint at heart. You have to lay your soul bare if you are to experience the highest levels of true love, compassion, and ultimate fulfillment. For those that choose to push themselves to the extent of such experiences, the consequences include rejection, isolation, and increased fear. They are the true daredevils in life. They are willing to risk it all for the one thing that technology will never replace: true connections.

SCANDAL VS. TEMPTATION : OLIVA & JUDITH

The Scandal hysteria has been all over Facebook for a while now. Television doesn’t exist in my living space; however, in an effort to better understand the world around me and perhaps find some inspiration for my current lack of direction, I decided to watch a few episodes on the website. While I don’t quite see the need for the massive chaos as yet, there were some other things that I did observe.

Oliva Pope is the lead charcter played by a beautiful Kerry Washington. Her employees are her friends, the cell phone is her dictator, and those big eyes seem to mist whenever the topic of the president arises; A man with whom she engaged in an affair with. Everything about this powerful individual is geared by her determination to succeed in a cut throat industry. Where are her friends outside of the office? Will she be able to engage in a relationship with an individual that is actually available? There is so much more in the future for this woman, and I look forward to watching her develop. While watching her in action, I could not help but think about another beautiful woman that engaged in an affair and got more than what she bargained.

It was a few weeks ago when I drove to a local movie theater to watch Tyler Perry’s Temptation. It had been quite some time since I had watched a movie and was excited to have a nice bag of popcorn to keep me company. I immediately felt pulled into the story as I identified with many of the feelings that Judith experienced. In the end, she destroyed something good in the pursuit of something better and was left with nothing. Her husband divorced her and married another woman; the son was handsome. The man with whom she cheated beat her senseless and gave her AIDS. There was a lack of communication which ultimately assisted in her demise. The movie left me in a sobbing heaping mass as the raindrops plummeted my car like bullets.

Every woman that I know wants to be loved by another human being in a romantic way. Unfortunately, too many of my sisters settle for situations that are less than what they deserve. They pay money to fly across the country to be with a man that doesn’t want to be with them. They make excuses for the fact that he was busy with work for the last seven days in a row. All of this for the reward of saying that there is a creature with a penis in my life. Congratulations.

The president wanted to leave his office and his wife for Olivia. She told him no. She had to stay with her people. She didn’t want him to give up the presidency for her. I wonder what relationship she could have had if she had been with an available man. Judith had a loving husband that became comfortable and took her for granted. He did not know that she wanted to experience new things. He did not know that she wanted a knight in shining armor if only for one night. When she told him that he was not the spectacular man that she wanted, his tears of pain were real. She shared such information is such a cold manner;however, it was entirely too late. She was involved with another man long before she was in copulation with him. Her relationship began there. She did not have any friends either besides her frenemy in Kim Kardashian. That is another topic for another post.

Both of these women are classic examples of women that we know. They wanted something that they were unable to get from men. They had everything to offer on the table: talent, drive, beauty, intelligence….but did they truly understand what they wanted? Did they ever give themselves the opportunity to fully understand what it was that they truly wanted for themselves? I ask all of these questions based on ficitonal stories. Yes, that seems funny; however, these stories are not that far fetched from real life.

Feelings Change

Feelings change. A hot crush can become a mild recognition. A great love can become a nice friendship. Your taste for chocolate cake may turn to vanilla. We are constantly changing within our cycles and thus evolve. This is a natural process. It is important to understand your feelings and honor them. Give yourself room to retreat or flourish depending on your needs.

DECEMBER: THE BEGINNING

After a rather eventful Saturday evening, Sunday morning found me rather sleepy. I did not have a desire to venture out into the world yet again. There was a gathering that I wanted to attend but was not sure if I would go. Staying home in the comfort of my own bed combined with the safety of my zone was quite appealing. At the last minute, I decided that there would be nothing ventured by staying in. I dressed in various shades of red with my gorgeous rose quartz necklace and left.

I did not know anyone. No one knew me. The home was covered with crystals for sale. All of them were beautiful. I felt so comfortable in this new space. There was no need to rush without looking at everything at least a million times. I received knowledge and outstanding food. The opportunity to network and connect with other women also presented itself, and I enjoyed the conversations. If I had stayed home, I would have missed all of this. As the weekend closes, I have a new crystal to work with and a new resource to call upon.

Sunday night has fallen and the cars outside have slowed. KCI and JoJo are singing Lately on the radio, and my mind is following the piano in the background. As I prepare for meditation, the sharing of feelings and warm sentiments that have come across during this weekend have been simply wonderful. It is a true gift to be in a position where my sisters feel comfortable reaching out to me to share their observances as me because of a connection. I revel in the love of my sisters and hearing their stories warms my heart. I want to soar high above the earth and feel the radiance of the sun as the wind propels me into greater horizons. I wonder what my week shall bring….

FEELINGS

When it rains, I become extremely unhappy as if I could cry myself. Its even worse if it is late at night. This is something that I realized earlier this year. However, it was during a random discussion with my mom that I found out that I have always had this quirk. I dicussed it with an astrologer and she determined that the change in temperature affects me especially because of my sign thus, I feel lonely.

When I perform for long periods at a time far away from home…the loneliness increases. Last night had all of the above mixed into one big fat recipe. As I walked back and forth to my performance site, there was a large pool area next to a jacuzzi. Each time that I would pass, I would stop and just look at the wonderul scene of it all overlooking the beach. The intoxicating spa music just took everything over the top. I envisioned myself there with my friends just enjoying the healing wonderment of it all. This is why I work hard. Life is about balance. I decided that I would research a way to have a time of this nature perhaps for my birthday.

In the meantime, I also have to create a game plan to follow for those rainy days that just put me in the doldrums. Sometimes, I think that I need a dog and then I remember…I do not want children.

WOMAN, YOU ARE DIVERSE

A woman has many layers that compose her. She is multi-faceted and as diverse as the drops of water that make up the ocean. The women that are able to draw upon their strengths, understand their flaws and always work on themselves in an effort to hear their own vibration in the universe.

What if you are reading that paragraph and wondering how it applies to you? Is that because you do not know what your strengths are? Maybe you are unaware of your flaws as well OR you are too familiar with them. Let us draw a road map together.

When your friends call you for advice, what are they calling about? Is it cooking? Maybe baking. Is there something that you enjoy and pursue just for the fun of it? That is your passion and you should use it to your advantage. Learn everything that you can about it and stay current. Do not forget to apply your knowledge whenever possible so that you can stay sharp.

There are certain topic or areas that make you feel uneasy because you simply do not like them.
My nemesis is math. I do not believe that numbers are my friend. How do I cope as an adult?
I know people that are good with math. They are the ones whom I address with such questions in order to improve my comprehension. You would be surprised to know how many people are eager to explain things to you.

I have recently discovered the need to streamline my work. It came to my attention that my harp music can be combined with my womens’ work especially with angels. They compliment each other. This instrument resonates well with their realm. I have begun to include it in healings and meditations much to the delight of my clients. I have even performed in workshops as the music source while women shimmied and undulated to balance their chakras. The meeting of both passions can make for a unified healing effort that can help women improve themselves while connecting parts of me.

Now, what about the minor parts of you that may need some attention? Maybe you have a pesky ring of fat that simply will not leave your midsection in spite of the fact that you are working out and drinking water. Your diet is also at a peak. Do not put that ring on the back burner. Bring it to the forefront! Speak with a nutritionist to see if your diet is the one that you should have for your body requirements. You may need a different workout schedule or form of exercise that will melt that ring while including the rest of the body. You may be a spinner and a treadmill person but have you gone into the step aerobics class? You may swim and walk around the block but have you gone on the reformer? There are true fitness professionals out there. They love discussing such things. Engage them in conversation.

If you wake up one day and realize that your circle of friends has vanished, well then you have some work to do. Where do women connect with each other? EVERYWHERE! Facebook is a popular meeting ground. Attend a class that you have an interest in. Many women also become friends because of their worship practices. You can also attend a Circle of Sisterhood.

There are so many wonderful things about a woman that can enhance the world. During the spring, I was having a conversation with someone and she was explaining something to me. When she was finished, I burst into a heartfelt I love you. She responded with sheer joy. Needless to say, we are now friends. Kindred spirits tend to find each other very easily. These are the little moments of genuine feelings that become cherished memories.

Your Imagination is Real

There was a strange sound coming from my tire as I drove home from class last night. I prayed to Archangel Michael to let me get home because I did not want to be stranded at night trying to reach AAA. When I reached home, I looked at the tire. There was nothing strange. I dismissed it as the road structure being off.

When I awoke to run an errand, in a nice casual outfit that fits my form properly(thanks Jophiel), the sound came again. While talking to my mother, I decided to swing by a tire shop just to be safe. My presence is required in Jupiter today for a wedding performance. Upon inspection by the tire man, the large nail appeared a big as the sun. The tire had to be replaced. He said that he could do it in an hour which meant that I could easily perform at my wedding.

As I walked down the street, tears came to my eyes. How was I going to cover this sudden bill? The mortgage, car note, and other car repairs had already put my back against the wall. All I could do was wonder how this situation was going to be solved. I began to feel sorry for myself. Again. I decided to cross the street and get a Chai Tea Latte from Dunkin Donuts. Before I walked in, I dried my tears with my scarf. I was going to have to believe that the universe was going to take care of me and allow my troubles to be given to a higher power.

Upon entering, a beautiful island woman asked me what I wanted to drink so that she could prepare it for me. She was happy and pleasant and promptly gave me my tea. As I sat down to enjoy it, my mind started wondering. I know people that ride the public bus because they can not afford to own a car. I have a car that has a tire that needs to be replaced. I can pay for the new cost but maybe I can not go out for the next two weeks…maybe, my friends have to come over to visit me. That nice woman that is working at Dunkin Donuts makes less money than me. She is happily serving people without any visibility of problems that may be affecting her life.

I took my cell phone and started posting in my fb group for this blog. The warmth of providing other women with inspiration lifted my spirits, and I began to feel better. Someone else in that very group may be dealing with something much greater than my little tire. A kind word may be much more necessary for her than it is for me. After all, I did have that kind lady at the counter serve me my Chai Tea Latte which I was able to purchase….

As these thoughts continued to wander through my mind, I overheard a woman complaining on the phone to a family member about the treatment of a doctor towards her elderly father. It was so unprofessional and cold that she began using obscene language to describe the horrible experience. Am I really sitting here in a nice outfit crying over a stupid tire? My neighbor suddenly appeared and gave me information that I was unable to get a few weeks ago. He also reminded me to attend the meetings regarding the place where I live so that I can be kept in the loop about issues and information that I would not normally be inclined to acquire. I was able to have all of these experiences because I was sitting in the middle of a Dunkin Donuts awaiting my tire.

As I drove home in the car with the fixed tire, my friend called to check on me. I have higher powers that help me and earth angels that check on me as well. I could be lucky, but I would prefer to think that I am blessed to be in a position to understand that the power of positive thinking even in the worst of situations can truly assist you. I wonder what else today will have in store for me. As a child of the universe, I am open to the lessons and the blessings that are being sent to me.

We are too quick to dismiss little feelings as our imagination. Fleeting thoughts become drowned in a harried routine schedule. We are in such a rush to enjoy our iphones and Facebook, that we forget that people can meet us for tea instead of via text. I urge you to walk around in nature so that you can hear your own voice. It purifies you and refreshes that spirit that is talking to you. If you are quiet, you can hear it and allow the information to benefit you. I had a nagging feeling about that tire and ignored it. At least I prayed for a safe journey home, and it was granted to me. However, I was not as quick to observe it this morning, and my mother was prompted to encourage me to go to the tire shop. She was no doubt acting out of concern for me and speaking for Archangel Michael. I shall call upon him again to grant me safe traveling mercies as I drive to Jupiter. Please keep me and yourselves in prayer.