Lately, I have been crying hours after yoga has ended. It is a normal occurrence which intrigues me. Having experienced a wide range of side effects due to such a practice, this one intrigued me. The frequency of it alerted me to a deeper process that was perhaps taking place within me. A serious healing was taking place and gently coming to the surface. A healer described it to me as energy pathways being opened up as blockages were being removed hence the emotional cleansing. The clarity of thought and conclusions being drawn have been immense. The interesting thing is that these thoughts happened during my self practice which I have never done before.
In an effort to gently introduce my body to the day, I started doing a few yoga poses upon waking. My eyes would well with tears and different sensations in my body would happen. Understanding my own body and what was taking place was tremendous. The changes were not hidden to me. The opening of what I did not even know was closed was apparent and all of this took place without pain. Naturally, some discomfort was present but this is when you are pushed out of that zone.
My instructor would always encourage me to dig just a little deeper during class which is something that I would avoid. I thought it was enough for me to simply show up and attempt to go through with the movements. However, on my own, her words rang in my ears as I felt myself able to hold the pose a little longer. This is a far cry from the person that thought yoga was boring over a decade ago.
It is a Sunday morning, and my body is sore and open. There is a palpable diagonal line that connects me to the Earth. The soreness is not overwhelming but strong enough to make me remain in reflection mode. My renewed curiosity about crystals makes sense now. Energy is something that must constantly be studied in its various vehicles, with my own body taking priority. It is a journey of questions and discoveries. It is a journey that I intend to pursue with a new intention and an expanded mind. My world has been alerted.
1.) There is someone to share your life with. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
2.) You always have a date to functions including the movies.
3.) There is someone to share meals with on a regular basis.
4.) There is a sense of comfort that fuels you throughout the day.
5.) A nice warm hug is never too far away.
6.) You have an automatic emergency contact.
7.) You can hang out with other couples without being the odd one.
8.) There are shared experiences that become pleasant memories for both of you.
9.) Plans are no longer one sided.
10.) When the world is captured by night, there is someone by your side.
Of course, I have to talk about the cons……
1.) You have to coordinate personal time in order to avoid feelings of neglect.
2.) Family involvement becomes a whole new scenario.
3.) The word emotion is always spelled with an upper case E.
4.) Decisions are no longer made alone because you have to consult your other half.
5.) Long periods of separation may cause angst.
Overall, I will say that a relationship can be a beautiful thing to experience especially with the right person. Everyone should have the blessing of such joy at least once in their lives.
In 2010, The Beginning was released as my first cd. It had occurred to me that I had fallen into simply doing performances that enabled me to be in the background; this is something that I needed to change. Music has been a passion of mine since childhood, and there was more that I could do with it besides my normal endeavors. Compositions began to appear and the impromptu songs that I created suddenly surfaced as a new skill for me: improvisation.
Since releasing that cd, interesting collaborations have occurred. Poets have poured their hearts out on stage as I plucked tunes behind them. Some of the songs on the cd were written for: Flamenco, Ballet, and Middle Eastern Dance. I even used my music while teaching at a local womens’ shelter. There was once a beautiful pole dancer that freestyled for ten glorious minutes while I created her soundtrack.
When I think about why I live this musical life, I think about how the music makes me feel. It gives me the opportunity to be creative and step into an extraordinary life. My mind can go somewhere and take the audience with it. Words do not have to be said; the music does the talking for me. It can convey the deepest of emotions and the heights of joy.
Harp was not available to me when I had a fleeting thought about it in middle school. As my senior year of high school came to a close, my father suggested that I try it. It was not long before I was performing at local events and with various ensembles. Life serves as the inspiration for me to continue this journey with my harp. There is so much to share and explore with this rare instrument. It brings me a great deal of satisfaction when people are able to get in touch with their feelings because they were able to listen to me perform.
Along the journey of life, I discovered meditation. It soon dawned on me that the harp would be beneficial to such a practice. It was then that I created Harpitations; meditation to my improvisations on the harp. This was something that I pursued at a local spiritual center for a year along with womens’ circles. People would share their visions and feelings of being balanced after the sessions. It was always an interesting exchange of energy. I would offer the music and the people would return their words of elevation. In the near future, I see myself developing this into something that can benefit more people.
As the year progresses, new projects shall appear on my plate. Celtic Harp is something that shall be a pursuit of mine in addition to a possible Soprano & Harp recital. Composing is always around the corner, and there has been more than one request for another cd. Narrowing down the theme shall be difficult as there is so much that I can do: angels, lullabies, popular music; it is so hard to choose. The one thing that is certain is that the life of a musician is always full of wonderful things that entertain not only the audience but the musician as well.
It was the height of my grad school semester. Notes, schedules, and exams were all about. When the poet called to inform me that he had, “an awesome gig” for me, I listened. He said that it was a performance with him in Miami. I had no problem with that. When he told me that the pay was, $75.00, and he knew what I charged, the red flag was thrown on the field. Its one thing for me to miss a graduate level class for an actual performance that pays money; however, its entirely another thing for me to miss class for a complete waste of my time. He was soon listening to me decline such a generous offer. He put a great amount of effort into convincing me that this was something that I should do. His persistence made me realize that he had promised these people a harpist prior to talking to me and now, he was in a nice salty pickle. I added the hot dog; with mustard.
Quite some time passed before I heard from him again. It was a surprise to me that he even thought to contact me for round two. He had a talent showcase happening at a local Truth Center and inquired about my prices. He gave the illusion of starting out on the right foot. However, given his past actions, I knew better and told him that the price list would be mailed to him. A second phone conversation informed me that the Truth Center would be able to afford me but would love to have me perform because of my outstanding talent. There would be others performing as well, and my services were simply out of their budget. My voice wanted to say that the pastor would not be giving away his services, why should I be placed in this position? What I heard my voice say, which was a shock to me, “This does not sound like an event where I should perform.”
What people fail to realize is that when I perform, it is not just time out of my day in a formal gown behind an expensive instrument. More often than not, I have nightmares about something happening to me prior to performing. I worry about setting up my schedule properly so that I can have an effective performance and please the client. Bad weather can throw off my driving time or re-route me entirely. The emotional tax is a part of each performance. My body also remembers the performance in that my arms often get tight and require a massage.
No, there is no way that I can perform for free. My car requires gas. It has an insurance bill, and the bank still expects payment for the check that it gave to Honda on my behalf. My music lessons were not gratis. My dresses are not gifts. The instrument costs more than my car which does not include the strings or music. I can not be paid for the emotional involvement.
Poor poet. He is not the first and unfortunately for me, he is not the last. He called the next day while I was shopping with a friend in Aventura Mall. Because time with my sisters is not allowed to be interrupted by anyone, his call was promptly sent to voice mail. He was now inviting me to attend that very same showcase. It is my assumption that if I attended, I would fall in love with the event and offer to perform out of the kindness of my heart. Needless to say, the poet never heard from me again and vice versa.