Native American Day of Mourning…..

The sun was barely in the sky. I found myself laying in bed fuming like a chimney. My mother had questioned my heavy weight despite my clear boundary of don’t. It continued with a laugh. I countered with a texting rant of how she has to respect my boundaries before I vanish again. I did not speak to her for two years and she wonders why.
Melancholy and forlorn, I bustled around my house. Her response indicated a zero balance in her negative account which left me speechless and pensive. Why did god choose this woman to be my mother? I will never know. She has caused many a day of pain in my life and this will be another one to add to the heap.
As my sandwich was consumed, I thought about the me of 2009. By now, I figured that I would be married with a family perhaps living elsewhere. Instead, I’m single and still reside in the same home. My heart knows more bitterness from failed romantic endeavors and has resigned itself to being alone. A divine union has eluded me for my entire adulthood. Love is beyond my grasp. People are used to me being alone. No one asks me if I’m seeing someone because I never am. I am not the girl that has tried on a wedding dress. It simply never happened for me. Then the spark came.
The relationship that I have with my mother is one of contention. She is unable to accept me for who I am. It has caused her to be jealous, bitter, toxic, and outright cruel towards me. Control freak, master gaslighter, and the ultimate complainer. Nothing has ever been good enough for her when it comes to me and I settled on the fact that it never would be in my younger days. When you compare this void to my love life, the complicated puzzle begins to make sense. Is it any wonder that I believe in Mother Mary so very strongly?
I am not Catholic. Mary was not a part of my upbringing beyond making Christmas appearances. As an adult, I have come to know her as a very loving presence that embraces you regardless of any trappings that a human life places upon you. She sees you as a being that she loves. Period. You are welcome in her family. You have a purpose and she supports you. She is the ultimate divine mother for whom I am grateful. There are other maternal presences in my life. There is a fairy godmother that cheers for me on the sidelines as well as a few aunties here and there. I wonder how my father shakes his head at the mess his widow has made in his eternal slumber.

CINDERELLA DIDN’T DO US ANY FAVORS..NEITHER DID SNOW WHITE

I recently joined a group on Facebook that is called: I BLAME DISNEY FOR MY HIGH EXPECTATIONS IN MEN. While thinking about the concept of this name, I realized that all of these wonderful Disney movies that we watched as children did not help us deal with reality. How did this fairy tale of Prince Charming get started and why are we still falling for it? Why are we groomed for it?

STATEMENTS
“You have to take care of your hair so that you can attract the attention of a young man…..”

“If you want children, you should really start now…”

“Well, have you given any thought to settling down?”

“You want to find someone to complete you…”

“You take the last name of the man to honor him…”

“What do you think your role in this family is?”

“How do you expect to get married if you can’t cook!”
(I WILL MARRY A CHEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

During some weddings, the educational backgrounds of the couple are mentioned. It would seem as if getting married is given equal footing with a degree…..what? How? Is the marriage ceremony now the equivalent of a graduation ceremony, a major accomplishment that you have for your resume? “Oh, you are to be commended for picking a good mate to father your children and support you.” What about simply celebrating the fact that a strong connection has been made to another human being? (which should be done on various levels and not reserved just for an expensive wedding.)

Where does this notion of the beautiful blushing maiden being rescued by her strapping Prince Charming originate? Disney even has a wedding package that sells this concept. Anita Baker has a song about this illusion, and it is more accurate about what happens in real life. Forever is a long time. It is not necessarily a magical thing. Getting along with another person in a sacred union is not always a walk in the park. It takes work, time, and dedication. It isn’t always filled with lush beautiful colors and glass slippers. More often than not, you will probably break your heel. When do we graduate from this fairy tale line of thinking into, I shall prepare myself for the sake of my own personal fulfillment?

Instead of singing, “Someday My Prince Will Come”, I would rather slay some dragons myself. Instead of “Wishing for the One I Love”, I would like to love my own life. Why do I have to style my hair according to what a man may or may not like? What about me? I need to like it. Its my hair on my head, and I am paying for it. When the now famous, “YOU COMPLETE ME” was uttered, I think the fairy tale line of thinking was extended. Now, there is a movie reference for life: you need a mate to complete you and make you whole because you are considered incomplete without your other half. I want to throw myself off a cliff.

Half. Whole. Each person has dualities: masculine and feminine. It is bad enough that the world emphasizes the masculine which has damaged us on a whole. Women have grown away from their natural selves and pass this inflated nonsense on to the next generation. Even worse than that, many of us accept just the yang as our own approach to life. Example: Sex. Yes, I am going there.

How many of us thought that just getting access to sex was everything that we wanted? If I can just have some dick, I will be fine. Did anyone tell you about the clitoris or that most women can’t orgasm with just vaginal intercourse? Was the clitoris mentioned when you learned about how a woman gets pregnant? Well, if a woman isn’t aware of how to please herself…what am I referencing? Masturbation. If a woman doesn’t know how to please herself and relies on the typical gas station method of a man…you know, pulls in, fills up and leaves…how does she ever get satisfied? There is an entire industry dedicated to helping the woman find her own hot spots so that she can enjoy sex on the highest tantric level. However, if she was encouraged to explore herself instead of thrown at a man like a fish to a whale, she may have greater levels of sheer bliss without paying a sex therapist.

There is something to be said about a return to the way things where, a more traditional approach. Women used to console each other not fight on television like boxers. We are natural healers that understand the herbs in the garden that we tend not pill popping machines. It used to be that we understood our intuition, our inner guidance without it being blocked by the loud obnoxious influences of the world. Our Moon Time was considered sacred. The grandmother used to be in the center of the society not in the nursing home tucked away in the corner. Yes, as I tweet on my IPHONE, the words do talk about the divine, the feminine. Yes, as I type on my FACEBOOK timeline, the subject is about the women’s’ circle that I am organizing.

It was just earlier today that I was told that I know something about teas…all of us know about teas. I have taken to sharing them with my friends because I believe in their power to heal our ailments. They were the original medicine. They grew freely in our gardens and we boiled them for various reasons. There wasn’t a prescription or even a physical. If you had nausea, you gathered some mint and drank it. End of story.

Back to Cinderella and company. These entertaining tales of Prince Charming have gone way beyond their scripts. I am not saying that Prince Charming doesn’t exist. He could be right around the corner. Its just that a life should not be groomed just to find out if he is. There is so much to experience as a woman on this planet. The journey is often quite beautiful and rather fulfilling. I just think that many aspects of true living are missed when we fall for that Happily Ever After line over and over again. My tea is ready.