SETTLING FOR HIM: THE ULTIMATE EXCUSES

THE LIST
1.) I have never really gotten serious in a relationship because of my children(please note that the children are college age).

2.) I have been with him for ten years. Who else would I date? I do not like being with a lot of people.

3.) Maybe one day, I will meet someone that will actually love me and want to get married.

4.) You should not turn him away. Don’t you know how many women would be happy just to have a man to talk to?

5.) Sorry that I have to cancel our plans today. He wants to spend time with me.

MY REACTIONS
1.) Children are not scape goats that exist simply to be used to cover your fear of rejection or attempts at being happy just for yourself. Children are happier when their parents are happy.

2.) You have been with a man for ten years. He doesn’t want to move in. He doesn’t want to marry you. There is nothing wrong with such things. Oh wait a second, you want to live together and get married. Instead of dumping this pattern that he has trained you for, you simply give up your dreams just to keep this bastard. Why? Because you do not want to be alone. In truth, it may do you some good so that you can analyze what you really want.

3.) You will never meet anyone that will love you because you do not love you. Instead of wasting your time dreaming that prince charming will suddenly spring forward out of the relationship that you have, get rid of him so that you can get what you really want!
My biggest problem with this list is that I have actually heard all of these statements.
There are women that want to be married so badly that they live with a man for years upon years awaiting a proposal that of course never comes. Sometimes, the woman receives an engagement ring only to be left in limbo that never concludes with marriage.

4.) I don’t need a man just to talk to just for the sake of talking to him. I don’t need a man to complete me(I HATE THAT SAYING!). I may want one to have compassion, passion, love, joy, and humor…an actual relationship filled with good components.

5.) If you are able to surrender yourself so easily for the minor whims of a man that may not be here tomorrow, you may not find your comfort in your friends when he finds someone else that has a backbone. I was actually asked if I would cancel at time with friends if my man wanted to hang out with me just the other day…let me pause for effect….I have never cancelled plans with friends to hang out with a boyfriend and have no intentions of doing so in the future. A man that is secure in his manhood will have no problems with his woman spending time with her friends. He will actually appreciate the time apart to continue is own self-discovery and perhaps a football game with his boys.

My biggest problem with this list is that I have heard all of these statements. I am sure that many of you have as well. Unfortunately, many women believe that they are in competition with other women for the attention of a man. I did not know a man was that important…well, to others. The only competition that should be in existence is the one between who you were yesterday vs. who you are today: was there an improvement? If a man does not want to marry you, why do you want to marry someone that does not want to be with you? Is this for the opportunity to wear the expensive white dress and have everyone stare at you? Throw a party!!!

Some of you will remember the episode of Sex in the City where Carrie cancelled on Miranda because Big wanted to see her at the last minute. This violates some sort of sister code for me. She took the time out of her busy schedule to bond with you because she felt it was important, and you dropped her for the shot at some guy. Ladies, how do you feel when you are awaiting your girlfriend only to be surprised by her and her beau?(no notice or consideration for your private girl time). What about the famous last second cell phone call, “Do you mind if he comes?” DON’T PUT ME IN THIS AWKWARD POSITION! If I wanted to spend time with both of you, I would have said so. What happens if I respond no or we can reschedule if you want to spend time with him without hurting my feelings; is that now going to affect our relationship?

More women have yet to reach the realization of the importance of their time with friends; other women. You can have a mate and friends without sacrificing either. All too often, the “Maggie Syndrome”(read The Olive) occurs and it is very sad. As I pen this post, my mind reflects on the last circle of sisterhood on the Aquarian Full Moon. A portion is listed here:

Each sister that attended received a message from me: I wanted to thank all of you for taking the time to come to the womens’ circle this evening on the full moon. It was wonderful to share and connect with all of you in our sacred space. Remember to build on such connections. Please keep in touch. No sister of mine is a stranger. I look forward to seeing all of you in the future. Stay blessed, and remember your time in the circle.

I urge all women to remember your time in your respective circles: family, coworkers, friends, etc. Seek the knowledge of your grandmothers and listen to the adivce of your mother. Your time in such company is important. Time with your sisters is important. Remember your sacred time in all circles. By doing so, you honor yourself.