Saturday Sight

Saturday Sight
As I sat in conversation with fam, I looked around and saw it with my own two eyes. You can not be an island. You have to belong to a community. You have to belong to something greater than yourself. There has to be a higher calling to which you answer.
We are not mindless beings living a life of solitude with bouts of social media. We have tribe. If you look closely, you have many tribes: church, work, friends, family, neighborhood. Unfortunately, we live in homes but not in communities.
How is it possible with all of the technology that is around that we do not know the names of our neighbors? Why are our senior citizens left alone to wither away? Why are we not seeking them out to be with us at our Thanksgiving dinner tables? Are we not all going that route?
Human trafficking is at an all time high. Why? Are we so caught up in our own issues that we can’t see that our children and women are being removed from civilizations and cast into the underbelly of society? What exactly are we doing? Another selfie? All of us should be disgusted.
I ask if each of you to be diligent. Yes, put yourself first. Yes, handle your affairs. Also, go into the lounge at work and eat with your coworkers. Instead of waving to that grandmother on the corner, stop by one day with flowers. Don’t text your cousin. Call her to come over for the weekend. Cook a meal and message your friends that dinner has been served.
Fellowship. Human connection. Bond over actual words. Have a real conversation. Talk about the weather. Ask someone about what they do for a living. Don’t separate before planning the next get together. Life is short and the clock is ticking away. Some of us are using hair dye.

Friday Thoughts

“Friday Thoughts
Life will forever bring you ups and downs. Disappointments will run rampant and people will leave you, friend, foe, and lover. Hearts will break and tears will fall. However, in spite of it all, you have to have a foundation. For some, this is their religious faith. Other people have it in their families. For me? It is is simple.

All my life, music has been the one constant. Friendships have ended. Relationships have gone the way of the world. Music remains my ever faithful friend. It is always there for me no matter the situation. It is my honor to be called a musician.
What is your honor? How has god bestowed his grace upon you?”

Saturday Sight

Saturday Sight

The predicament with being an adult is focusing on what is truly important. Do we work every day to pay our bills or to enjoy the finer things that life has to offer? Perhaps the degree on your wall was attained in order to get a higher paying job instead of serving as the foundation for your passion.
The mindless running around day in and day out must end with a sound purpose. Do you know what you do what you do? Was that breakfast sandwich consumed because you didn’t go to Publix on the weekend or because it is a part of your routine?
We buy things that constantly clutter our lives. These expensive phones come with updates and more info than any one person can stand. Do you really need to have notifications from fb pushed to your phone or does it make you feel important?
Ask yourself questions that truly analyze your behavior. More often than not, we are a stranger to ourselves. Above all else, we should have a solid foundation in self. We should have certification in me, myself, and I. Anyone that thinks it is selfish is not equipped to then deal with other people.
You have to equip yourself with the necessary tools that are required just to get by and hopefully thrive. Hug. Call. Have fellowship with others. Engage in polite conversation that turns into deep reflective thought. What else are we doing? Staying attuned to social media? Life has more to offer. Make yourself available to it.



White Environment

When I was growing up, my dad’s friend told me that I sounded like a little white girl. I did not know how to respond to that and he felt free to tell me. I guess since I was not splitting infinitives or using profane mannerisms, this made me an entirely different race. My love for classical music did not help matters. My elementary school was predominantly made up of white latin children. High school classes often found me as the sole black girl in the room. The one black sorority on my college campus wasn’t accepting anyone new. My boyfriend was not black which destroyed my family unit as I knew it. Because the abandonment hurt me so much, the relationship was short lived. It was my personal vow to never venture outside of my race again. The damage had been done by my own family unit.

Friday Fizzle

Friday Fizzle
There isn’t a single thing in this world that I could possibly want more than the embrace of this bed. The weight of the week has rendered me useless and I have been confined to the Sanctity of my home.
The veggies and quinoa simmered on the stove as a meal would be necessary.
The year is coming to a rapid end much to my liking. It has been a rather challenging and isolated experience from which I would like to be freed. There have been many a triumphant day and others that will remain in darkness. Perhaps the one thing that shall be my favorite is the shattering of yet another box by trying something new. The courage in itself was a success for me.
The blog rages on with new stories of life and woe without any regard for societal standards or needs for being polite. Real life is raw. It is pure in its simplest form and yet possesses a beauty all of its own. My neighbor rattles in the street while Oprah continues her soul raising interviews on YouTube. Saturday shall see me as a mermaid but tonight will see me as one with the pillow.

The Squad

My life has had many different circles within its own cycle. Friends and associates have reflected different religions, various countries, and many races. There have been good friends and there have been friends to whom I have had to say farewell. As for the one constant squad of “homegirls” that surround me? This Tiffany Haddish norm has escaped me. However, there have been some memorable moments of friendship.
Approximately a decade ago, four of us would together for any and everything. Girls night. Wine time. Dick tricks. Whatever..we were going to roll, hang, and enjoy the company of each other. Our conversations were filled with tales of men, woes of work, and the next move for our lives. As with all things, this circle moved on due to the change in our lives. Someone got married and moved away. Another up and left the country. As for me, there were a few more discoveries in store for me which took me through twists and turns.
There was the sisterhood of the dance. Middle Eastern dance is intoxicating. While pursuing this hobby, a few faces kept popping up. Soon, all of our faces were together around healthy dishes of salad plotting our next project. There was always a hot workshop on the horizon or a new place with a house dancer that we wanted to support. Troupe costumes, hair perfume, tablas, and soon tarot. We were the rebel roma outside of Cairo. Again, the changes infiltrated. Motherhood called for one of my favorites. Another joined the army. I hung up the hip scarf and threw myself into pole.
A whole new world opened for me filled with dimly lit rooms and less clothing. Sensuality and sexuality combined to thrust me into another stratosphere. It was not long before the rainbow squad embraced me as their own. While I was not card thumping, my membership was real. My attire changed as did my hangout selections. Conversations were different. Personalities remained colorful. Life was fun…until it wasn’t. Relationships changed us all. My heart was broken. One became dark and spiteful. Tempers flared and one by one we were on different roads yet again. What say you now?
There is the pop in at the office to catch up or the drop in at a home for salad and a chat. Texting, FB, and weekly conversations keep me in touch with certain members. There are two that remain ever faithful in my constant development, and I would not be as together without them. Interacting with other women is important. Sheer fun and cackling conversations are a must. There has to be someone that is able to tell you about the shape of your hair without a frown crossing your face. Is that outfit too snazzy? No, its just you. That is real talk coming from the mouth of your friendly Aquarian. As 2019 winds down, I wonder what circle shall welcome me next.

A Moment of Jealousy

It was the height of the massive weight loss. I sent the picture of myself in a Jamaican flag swimsuit. It was originally too small and now it was big on me. Friends sent words of joy and encouragement. My own mother responded with, “Great. Now all you have to do is lose another ten pounds.” Her text perplexed me. My weight was always more of an issue for her than it was for me. I informed her that she was the only one that had something negative to say. She responded with, “I’m the only one that told you the truth.” Her phone rang. My voice was soon heard explaining to her that I sent her that info so that she could be happy for me, not call me fat. The call did not last long because it was most unpleasant. In retrospect, I realized that she was jealous. My own mother was jealous of me. Unfortunately, I do not think it was the first time.
While preparing for my debutante cotillion, my dress had been fluffed. My hair and make up were complete. Someone was even present to make balloons for me. My mother said, “Boy, when you get old, no one pays attention to you.” Why would she make such a comment during such a happy time? She had a role in it. She put most of the after events together. Why then would she feel so insecure about herself?
At some point, my father told me that I was dealing with a fat, insecure, jealous woman. As an adult, I have often wondered what my father saw in her. She always complains and is never satisfied with anything. It has been one of the greatest mysteries of my life.

Wednesday Wipeout

Wednesday Wipeout

There is no glory in being busy 24/7. It isn’t healthy and the financial gains normally aren’t as beneficial as people would have you believe. You require adequate down time. The dog misses you. User Eats blocked you, and the neighbor claims that you no longer live in your home. Do not blame the retrograde. It’s just you.
Remember when you were a kid? You went to the movies on the weekend. Afterwards, you came home and baked chocolate chip cookies. Sunday dinner would include laughter and home cooked food. You should take those precious times and recreate them in your current life as a mad busy adult. What are you missing?
When was the last time that you went on a date? Do you still own a bikini? What happened to the book club that you were going to start? You are a self driven overachieving individual that has already accomplished so much and you are just getting started. You owe it to yourself to balance the scales and relax. Schedule some down time. Skip town. Go home and stare at the ceiling. Slow down and breathe.

Sunday Settlement 10/20/19

We often perceive rejection as a hard slap in the face. Once again reality has dealt a fatal blow from which we can never recover. Oh, the horrid pain. No medicine on earth can relieve me of this sorrow. I am simply a bleeding heart of crimson blood. Boo, it’s not that serious…
When someone breaks up with you, it may hurt unlike anything else on the planet. The truth of the matter is that a blessing has been handed to you. Do you want to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with you? This is your opportunity to spend time and energy on yourself. Your healing now takes priority over anything or anyone. The focus is all about you and not a relationship.
The job offer never came. The promotion went to someone else. Have you considered all of your options? Are you in the right career for your life purpose? Do you really want to be embedded in a company that doesn’t value your presence? Is this your opportunity to bounce into your own LLC? Take some time to ponder what is best for you. The rejection has opened the door for you.
As the week begins for the wrapping up of the spooky time, there will surely be some minor disappointment awaiting us all. The traffic was ten minutes longer than expected. The menstrual cycle shows up sooner than expected. Your cup of coffee was a cup of a hot mess. Take the cues from the universe. There may have been a situation that you were being blocked from at work by coming in ten minutes later. Your cycle showed up now because a surprise visitor graced you one night when the cycle ended. That coffee dehydrates you and water is a better option.
Understand these inconveniences as the conversation of the universe. It does not always use words. It uses variables that are present in your life to communicate with you. If you stop to listen, you will hear them all of the time. Stay balanced ladies. I ♥️ you.

Rejection: Two Way Street

I can’t give you what you want. You should meet someone else. My response was in agreement with the instructions, and my life continued happily. Approximately nine months later, the same individual asked me for a sexual encounter. When I did not respond with bells on, the insane antics began. Furious text messages began at 8am. An offer for a date ensued. My state of shock was translated with no text back. Two days later, an early morning text informed me that I was receiving a visit later on that day. A shower would be taken first and then I would be greeted with company. Two screenshots were sent to my friends because I was now scared for my safety. Later that day, my presence was elsewhere as planned. There was complete and utter shock because I was not at home awaiting an unwanted visitor with my legs agape. Remember, I was the one that was rejected. This is what ensued.
My former girlfriend informed me that she was moving out of my home. It felt as if a bullet was going through my body. Despite the pain, I stood up and exclaimed that I thought it was a brilliant idea. It was not a full ten minutes before she broke into tears begging to work things out. A look of sheer disgust appeared on my face. I helped her move out and told her to never contact me again in life…for anything.
The last foray into the land of romance completely confused the entire hell out of me. She never had time for me. She would ghost me when we had plans. There was never a moment when we could just be together. She left me. It is almost a year later and she is still trying to contact in spite of the numbers that I have blocked. She claims that she misses me. She wants to talk. By now you have seen the trend.
What is the phenomena with being pushed all the way out of a life, only to be pursued relentlessly. When I am told that my presence is no longer needed, that is exactly how I take it. It is my responsibility to accept the rejection for the blessing that it is. It is time for me to heal and take time for myself so that I can deal with getting over whatever the relationship was and at some point try once more. Why on earth would I try to convince another party to stay with me? A decision has been made without any consultation or consideration for me. You made this decision in your best interest. Why the pursuit? Why should I now honor your feelings of loneliness or demands for contact?
Flowers, cards, teddy bears…all of them were left on my porch. A video hit my cell phone. Calls from a friend of hers kept coming in. Block and block. It seems as if rejection is hard to take from the very people that dole it out. This is something that is difficult to understand. Perhaps one day I will meet someone that is mentally stable enough to handle their own emotions. Finding a mate that is clear about what she wants has proven impossible. Have I given up hope? Well, let’s say for now that my focus is on other things…..