4/9/19

Good morning ladies. Life is filled with emotions based on the trials and tribulations that we experience. It is such a relief to know that we often have the tools to deal with them if we are just aware of what is available to us. You are an infinite being with many talents and resources right at your fingertips. There isn’t a single situation that can’t benefit from a hug, modest reflection, or even a brisk walk around the block. Consider yourself armed and ready for anything that comes your way. Walk in love knowing that you are fully empowered.

Yoga: The Study of Energy

Lately, I have been crying hours after yoga has ended. It is a normal occurrence which intrigues me. Having experienced a wide range of side effects due to such a practice, this one intrigued me. The frequency of it alerted me to a deeper process that was perhaps taking place within me. A serious healing was taking place and gently coming to the surface. A healer described it to me as energy pathways being opened up as blockages were being removed hence the emotional cleansing. The clarity of thought and conclusions being drawn have been immense. The interesting thing is that these thoughts happened during my self practice which I have never done before.
In an effort to gently introduce my body to the day, I started doing a few yoga poses upon waking. My eyes would well with tears and different sensations in my body would happen. Understanding my own body and what was taking place was tremendous. The changes were not hidden to me. The opening of what I did not even know was closed was apparent and all of this took place without pain. Naturally, some discomfort was present but this is when you are pushed out of that zone.
My instructor would always encourage me to dig just a little deeper during class which is something that I would avoid. I thought it was enough for me to simply show up and attempt to go through with the movements. However, on my own, her words rang in my ears as I felt myself able to hold the pose a little longer. This is a far cry from the person that thought yoga was boring over a decade ago.
It is a Sunday morning, and my body is sore and open. There is a palpable diagonal line that connects me to the Earth. The soreness is not overwhelming but strong enough to make me remain in reflection mode. My renewed curiosity about crystals makes sense now. Energy is something that must constantly be studied in its various vehicles, with my own body taking priority. It is a journey of questions and discoveries. It is a journey that I intend to pursue with a new intention and an expanded mind. My world has been alerted.

I Did Something Right

I did everything right. I graduated from college and got a job. There were no babies calling me mommy and drugs were called Ibuprofen. My teeth were cleaned every six months and the PCP saw me once a year for my annual physical. Women looked at me and said #adulting goals. One very specific element eluded me without my knowledge…I had no idea how to be a woman.
Grace was not something that existed for me. My mother always told me that I was too rough in my manner or too strong. Dancing was completely out of the question for me and I tended to “flop” about. Quiet, introverted, shy, and pained by the presence of people; that was me. Fortunately, world cultures captivated my attention which led me to the discovery of Middle Eastern Dance.
At one point, I was dancing at least twice a day in addition to privates, performances, and Pilates. My eyes were firmly planted on studying in Egypt. It was my life. It completely took over. Other women that were also mesmerized became my friends. We would attend workshops and different dance festivals. We would support each other at different performances in between costume fittings and hookah time. It was not long before my first full moon drum circle invitation appeared. It was the pure essence of primordial energy.
Between the natural movements and hypnotic music, the dance form helped me express what could never be put into words. Sensuality found a definition, and I was used as an example of grace during class. It was my honor to then become an instructor which helped me share the wonderful gift of this dance that was created for women by women.
In short, it taught me how to be a woman. Your mother can only show you so much if anything about this and in retrospect, I was completely lost. Bellydancing saved me from the grips of toxic masculinity and introduced me to myself on so many levels. Perhaps the most important one being was that being feminine is an art form to be celebrated every single second of every single day.

Energy Change

There she stood. Grouchy as a toad. It was first thing in the morning, and the smile simply was not there. Her day was surely destined to crash and burn. I have seen her job and this stance was completely understandable. She is always being interrupted while facing daily deadlines while dealing with unruly adults. I stopped heading for the front door and decided to go back around and give her a hug. She is a friend after all, and is simply a positive person in a funk…before 9am.
“Let’s take a picture together…” came from my mouth as I reached for my cell. The next thing I knew, three other women tried to jump in the picture. We had to try all sorts of angles to get the wide smiles into the frame. When we finally achieved our goal, everyone walked away laughing. It was not until later that day that I realized….a simple gesture on my part had changed the energy of the room.

Mother to Daughter: Heart to Heart

As an adult, I have come to realize that I always hated when my mother would try to talk to me about personal matters: my first kiss, my first boyfriend, always asking questions about my menstrual cycle. In my opinion she simply was not the right person to have an open conversation with and still is not. Why?
Imagine wanting to have a genuine conversation with an individual that is supposed to automatically be on your side. Now you hear criticism that is not constructive for every action or feeling that you have followed by negative commentary. Throw in unsolicited advice here and there for situations that were never brought to said individual’s attention. Why on earth would anyone subject themselves to such misery?
Serious relationships have come and gone. Pain and heartbreak. Joy & euphoria. None of it has been shared with her. I look at other mother daughter relationships and admire how close they are. What is it like to have a mother that is fierce with her support of her daughter? Even without this important relationship in my life, there are still many blessings.
There are other maternal women that treat me like their own daughters. There are friends that treat me more like family than a friend. Such bonds help me to remain thankful for the life that I have and the people that I know. There is more to life than a text or FB messenger.

Flash Back

Years ago, I walked into a restaurant to meet my boyfriend. He was a white Latin male that did not believe in God. The slow steady gaze of a young black man fell upon me as I navigated the maze of aisles. He was puffing heavily on a cigar. God only knows what was going through his mind. He did not speak or change his expression. I was in love with this rotund outcast of sorts. It was a love that turned my life upside down and tore at the very foundation of my family.
This scene is almost twenty years old. Life penetrated my interracial fantasy and love soon faded. There were too many forces pulling us apart. To this very day, I have loved others but I can not say for certain that I fell in love again. I do not even know if I want to feel that way for fear of losing all rational. It was the most trying time of my life.

CREATE

Good afternoon ladies. I had the opportunity to speak to a film maker earlier today. I asked her to describe a typical day in her life. She responded with, “I wake up and I create..”. We took a moment to honor the response. I believe that there is a creator in each one of you in some way shape or form. Some of you have created a life while others of you create lives for people to live. However you do it, choose to do it on a daily basis with a smile in your heart. One love. ♥️”

My Heart Says No (text inspiration)

Good morning ladies. Along the way, you may encounter a situation where your heart is leading you in a different way from the path that you are following. When this occurs, stop what you are doing and fly in the proper direction.
Some people march to the beat of their own drum……others create the beat. One love.

My Heart Says No

I want more. The boss laid it on the line. It was not a threat. It is more of a push for my department to get more people involved. My heart sank and burned to ashes. The wind came and blew them away. After discussing the predicament with my coworker, she responded that she wanted to retire. My response was that I need to resign. My heart is not in the game anymore and has not been for a very long time.
These days, my interests lay in inspiring women. It has always been there since the very day this blog started. As my life lays before me with hard decisions and cold coffee, the matter of my day to day living still looms on the horizon. How the hell can I support myself all of the time with health insurance on my own? It has been difficult with a regular 9-5, but I have paid a heavy price for the convenience.
This is not the decade where college was yesterday and Starbucks was life. My forties have brought up new questions that have to have answers sooner than later. My life has gone through many a transformation over the last few decades. What is it going to take to make me feel as if I am living my purpose?

College Major

Do you ever wish that you could go back in time and change your college major? As I piece together the life that I think that I want, it dawns on me that my degree does not necessarily lend itself to my future. Africana studies. Womens’ studies. Ethnomusicology. By the same token, many people with degrees in these areas end up in the very job that I have now: education……