I don’t fit: Chapter I

I never fit into the norm a single day in my life. As a child, unicorns and animals interested me. Art and music soon followed. My mother spent most of her time making sure that I did not explore anything. She also insisted that I attend church with her which never made sense to me. While invitations to social gatherings did arrive, there isn’t a single friend that stands out in my mind. Everyone was temporary. Middle school was a social nightmare filled with rogue boys and friends that were not friends. The only thing that mattered to me then was music.
High school was much the same. Music was again the central theme. Friends came and went. I often sat alone during lunch. My parents were not fond of my first boyfriend to say the least. My prom date refused to dance with me, and my cotillion date hit on a friend of mine. I did hang out and have good memories of the weekends. My family was a good support system then. After high school, everything changed.
Since I was attending a local university on scholarship, I remained at home. This is something that in retrospect should have been avoided entirely. As graduation approached, cupid pulled back his bow and I found myself in love with a guy. It caused a huge crossfire in my family. My job fired me, and depression took over my life. Darkness became my world. From the kettle into the pot I jumped. Living with the guy was more than what either of us had bargained for. Needless to say, rock bottom soon ensured. No friends. No family. No boyfriend. Everything was lost; but, there was my degree. My family did not attend my college graduation.
As my new job began, it was obvious that my current living situation was going to have to change. Paycheck after paycheck was tucked away so that I could look for a place to own. Once my home was purchased, a new boyfriend was in the picture. He was another epic mistake of all time, but he did help me move. Break up after break up simply could not keep him away from me. We did not have anything in common other than the fact that he loved me. He was shot which put me in another state of grief for a long time. His assailant was never found. In the middle of it all, I completed my second degree and left for a memorable trip to Jamaica.
Time passed. One summer found me dancing. I pursued it with everything that I had because it made me so very happy. There was a strong connection there for me. Rehearsals, performances, classes, and general fun became all the rage. My instructor suggested a Pilates class to me which changed everything. My mornings were spent in Pilates while my evenings were spent dancing. New friends became my sisters as we formed circles and explore the concerns of the moon. My discomfort level with organized religion was at an all time high as the need to belong vanished as other women centered spaces seemed natural to me. My core became empowered and people began to take notice.

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