The Advantages of Being in a Relationship

1.) There is someone to share your life with. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
2.) You always have a date to functions including the movies.
3.) There is someone to share meals with on a regular basis.
4.) There is a sense of comfort that fuels you throughout the day.
5.) A nice warm hug is never too far away.
6.) You have an automatic emergency contact.
7.) You can hang out with other couples without being the odd one.
8.) There are shared experiences that become pleasant memories for both of you.
9.) Plans are no longer one sided.
10.) When the world is captured by night, there is someone by your side.

Of course, I have to talk about the cons……

1.) You have to coordinate personal time in order to avoid feelings of neglect.
2.) Family involvement becomes a whole new scenario.
3.) The word emotion is always spelled with an upper case E.
4.) Decisions are no longer made alone because you have to consult your other half.
5.) Long periods of separation may cause angst.

Overall, I will say that a relationship can be a beautiful thing to experience especially with the right person. Everyone should have the blessing of such joy at least once in their lives.

Spirit Animals

I like to read about the various animal totems that can appear in a person’s life. It seems as if a cat was sent to protect me last year. There is also a strange connection with a crab for me. However, since being in my current position, two animals have made appearances that have caught my attention.
During the time prior to my father’s transition, entire groups of women were congregating at my parental home. While taking a phone call from a dear friend outside, an orange butterfly of sorts simply appeared and flew right at me. I never saw it fly away as it simply vanished. Orange is a color that has presented itself in my life this year and it was a topic of discussion that very day. For me to see an orange butterfly represented the presence of heaven.
Last night, I was taken for a walk in a dog park. There were nests of burrowing owls. They never strayed too far from home. As we made our way back to the car, there was one owl that was perched on the fence. We stopped to admire it. It would turn its head upside down to gaze at us. This went on for a rather long moment before it took to the sky. It struck me as a profound minute.

Coping

1.) Blogging: Writing about my experiences really helps me get to the bottom of my feelings while allowing my friends a chance to connect with me. It avoids alienation and enhances the human experience. While I have been around a lot of people for longer periods of time, I am still introverted and need a minute. As an empathic medium, I often have problems taking on the emotions of others during such times. If I talk about what is happening to me, everyone can see that I am ok and the uncomfortable mystery is no more.

2.) Prayer: This has been a huge part of every day. I pray everywhere. I have been to chapels and churches. If my mind is unable to formulate anything, then I simply present myself. I have requested that everyone pray for me and my family. My father’s name has been added to prayers in various languages, and friends in other countries have also reached out to me. Having a blanket of 24hr prayer surrounding me makes me feel extremely supported.

My guardian angel & spirit guides have been as close as they can possibly be during this time. My spiritual encounters are very strong these days as my father has already let me know that he is still with me. I also seek the comfort of the archangel of grief, Azrael; however, I can say that I am not sad. Often times, there is a smile on my face.

3.) Flowers: My home has been filled with beautiful flowers and fragrant candles. In nine days, I shall create a special place of honor for my father so that I can pay homage to him daily as I pray. This date has already been marked in my calendar, and I am looking forward to it.

4.) Sisterhood: Friends have reached out to schedule lunch dates or anything just to keep me active. People came over to offer their condolences and to help me celebrate the transition of my dad. This was important because while the sisterhood was taking place for my mother, it wasn’t happening for me as long as I was at her home(distance). It was nice to have it for myself in my own sanctuary. As the solstice approaches, I hope to be able to run free on the beach with flowers on my person.

5.) Music: I planned every detail of the music for the viewing, funeral, burial, and repast. It brought me a great deal of joy to do so. The execution of it all was rather moving for us the performers as well as for the people that attended.
Viewing: solo harp
Final Viewing: solo harp
service: flute/viola/cello/harp two vocalists pianist/organist
Burial: Violin/Cello
Repast: Guitar

Cds have been made for me as well as certain songs that I listen to a lot. It really makes me feel so very nice. I am happy to have music at my side.

6.) Sensual: I enjoy sensual things. The sun was out today. It shone rather brightly on the earth. I found myself wanting to wander around so that its warmth could grace my skin. Birds often chirp a beautiful song which reaches my ears. While I took a hot shower, I realized that I enjoyed it so much that I decided to turn it into a hot bath with bubbles. Instead of my normal 1hr massage, I had one for 1.2hrs and it was a requirement. Reiki will be added to the mix on a more frequent basis so that my energies remain leveled.

7.) Awareness: Since I have dealt with grief before, I knew what to expect as far as my own behavior possibly changing. I knew that I would be afraid of the dark. It did not last as long this time as I can already sleep without lamps. Peace and quiet are not always welcomed right now. My appetite has improved a great deal since my father left the nursing home. Supplements and the drinking of water are also rebalancing.

The Final Curtain Call

Thursday, June 5, 2014
There I was wrestling with the idea of spending the evening at my parents’ home. My mother was alone in the house while my father was in the nursing home. She was spending all of her waking hours attending to him. I had the idea of spending the night with her; however, I wanted to stay in my home and enjoy my activities. It was late at night when I graced her porch with my presence. The sofa soon comforted my sleepiness.

Friday, June 6, 2014
After a nice breakfast with my mother, I headed into work to wrap up all affairs prior to going on vacation. Why I even joined a friend for breakfast part II at IHOP. I told her how I wanted to get some friends to go to the nursing home to perform with me for my dad. Soon after this conversation, my mother called to inform me that my father was unresponsive and was being rushed to Jackson South which was next door to the nursing home. I had just left her home and now faced the task of getting back to the same area with traffic. As I entered the room where a team was scurrying, there were tubes inside of him and his eyes were closed. I hated to see how he just hung there being as if he were being tossed about but it was my intent to stay right there and watch.
When I was born, I was taken from my mother due to placenta previa. My father had to wait and watch helplessly as my life was in limbo. Insurance companies refused to insure me, and I was not expected to live. He said that my godmother continued to tell him not to lose hope because God would pull me through; that scene took place 37yrs ago. It was with this in mind that I sat there and watched no matter the circumstances.
Family friends soon pulled me away as it was determined that Daddy had suffered a massive stroke and would have to be sent to Baptist where a team was awaiting his arrival. I got in my car and drove. While we waited in a suite, groups of the church sister hood flocked in to surround my mother as they have from the day Daddy went under. The doctor informed us that the stroke did not take place that morning but approximately 9hrs ago based on the damage that he saw and there had been more than one. It was the same way that his father passed away. Daddy would be removed from life support 24hrs after being placed on it in accordance with his wishes. We waited. We prayed.

Saturday, June 6, 2014
I thought that my Daddy would die on this day. For me, he had already left us something Thursday evening. It was now left to the body to realize what had happened. Others left the room when the respiratory therapist finally arrived to remove the tubes. I shook her hand and thanked her for removing the very things that my father never wanted. I made myself comfortable next to a nurse friend of the family, as the therapist did what she had to do. The noises were not pleasant for me, but I would not leave. Daddy never left me.
It was another four days of painful limbo for everyone involved in the transition of my father. During this time, the overwhelming support of the sisterhood that envelopes my mother to this day stood by within reach. It brings tears to my eyes to watch these women support my mother as she mourned the loss of my father.
Daddy was officially pronounced early Wednesday morning. It was a great relief for me to know that he had finally expired. In the days that followed, I found great comfort in planning the music for the funeral and its associated events. The outpouring of love & support was wonderful. There were so many wonderful connections for me to celebrate and enjoy. People told me that watching me gave them a sense of comfort as they wondered how I was able to remain so composed. This is my response.
My father is not dead. The word dead insinuates a final period which simply does not exist for me. He has made his transition into the next lifetime where he gets to be with God and walk with his father; he loved that man more than life itself. While I am unable to speak to him physically, Daddy has never left my side. His body may be in the ground but his spirit is free. It brings me such happiness to know that now there are two strong male figures that support me as ancestors. Instead of being sad, I choose to celebrate his life and often speak of him as if he were right here with me because he is. He lived a long wonderful life and touched more people than what we knew as evidenced by the tributes and sacrifices that were made to be present as he transitioned.
As life continues to take its course, things will slowly resume to a normal pace. A life cycle has completed itself as another one will begin. It is a beautiful day. It is a beautiful life.

James W. Sawyer
Sunrise: 12/22/34 Sunset: 6/11/14
Well done, good and faithful servant!
You have been faithful with a few things.
I will put you in charge of many things.

An Angel Appears

It was a terrible situation. There was no way out for me, and it was tearing away at my spirit. I contacted two acquaintances that immediately came to discuss the predicament with me. Shortly after that afternoon, one of them told me how much she loved angels. She believed that her guardian angel was always with her. I smiled as I listened to her without telling her that I too believed in angels. It was nice to hear that someone else shared the same notion.
While visiting one of my favorite chapels, I visited the gift shop. There was a small statue of Archangel Uriel. My eye stayed on that statue for months before finally purchasing it for that kind lady that helped me. As I gave her the present, I told her that I too believed in angels and we started crying in with joy. As we dried our eyes, there was a story that needed to be shared.
My home is quite different now. There is new furniture and lots of cooking. Fellowship and bonding happen daily. The presence of my old angel statue dawned on me as I missed it. She was beautiful but fell down one day. I fixed it and she was back together again…until she once again lost her head. It occurred to me that another one should be purchased from the same collection so that she could once again grace my home with a visual grace. Imagine my surprise when it was gifted to me today by an unanticipated source; an angel from the very same collection.
This angel holds a shell to her ear. She listen to the sounds of the wide open sea. She has been placed on top of the new furniture next to my angel cards. The lavender candle will no doubt maintain the calm of the atmosphere as I now enjoy my new spot to connect with what I already know exists. Angelic beings are a gift from God, and they welcome anyone that wishes to connect with them.

We Are Singing A New Tune

When I saw the wedding pictures of a previous acquaintance, a realization happened for me. The gypsies that once danced around that large bonfire on the outskirts of society have found a new cause in life: settling down. We may still buck convention and live outside of the box, but we are starting families of our own terms. Why even little ole me is happy to be at home with a good book and some company on a Saturday night.
It was a year ago when a dear friend explained to me that life was meant to be spent with someone you love. No person has to go at this great thing alone unless that is what they choose. You want to be able to share the good times and bad times with someone special at your side. She was right, and it was something that I needed to hear.