PUBLIX

It is day number 7 of my no meat strike. While standing in the line at Publix, I was behind a mother with a lot of groceries. There were two little girls in the cart staring at me. Becaause my phone was consuming me, I did not notice that the kind woman was asking me if I would like to get in front of her. I responded no thank you. Soon the cashier was overtaken by the paperwork required to enable her transaction because she was on an unemployment program. The kind lady asked me if I was sure that I wanted to stay behind. I took my things and went to the front of the line with her assistance. She then turned to the other person and said that the next line was opening. She went so far as to hold the spot in the new line for the person. I thanked her for her help as I left the store.

She is not in the best position. However, her kindness made her position divine. She showed empathy to the rest of us that were waiting because of her predicament. The chances of me seeing her again are small, but her efforts of compassion will remain with me.

PASSION FINDING: WHAT IS THE FORMULA

What a winding road this can be. As a child, a sketchbook was my best friend. I also enjoyed writing in my journal and wrote a poem or two. Once in middle school, music took over my life, and my training as a serious concert pianist began and followed me through high school. A sciatic introduction made music school auditions impossible and the piano faded away as the healing of the harp bloomed. My parents gave me sage advice when they said that I may spend the rest of my life trying to find myself which is fine; however, in the meantime, get a degree in something that will pay my bills. That was almost ten years ago.

Even within my liberal arts field, I have worn different hats as well as dabbled in other types of work. My stint as a Middle Eastern Dance instructor at a womens’ shelter was one of the best jobs of my life. My career as a musician has taken me to places and given me experiences that never would have come my way had it not been for my musical studies. Because of all of the things that I have tried, different people have contributed to my growth as an individual.

I have been in a career transition mode for a few years now. After I found my spiritual muse in 2008, there was no turning back. I wanted to dedicate my life to this blending of knowledge and practices from around the world. There was a long period of time when there was no mention of this to anyone. That changed into a select few that understood my need for silence. Last year, it took on a life of its own as I realized the one thread of my life that was ever constant and unchanging: I believe in the power of a woman. It brought me a great deal of joy to discuss it with certain people; however, I did not see that more people needed to know about that delicious femenine energy and what it can do for the world. Last summer, a dear friend told me to take my excitement for empowering women to the next level. 2013 is still a baby and my fourth workshop is planned with travels for the circle in the near future. Why I have even been asked to lead a ceremonial circle at a local festival of the goddess.

My background affords me the opportunity to draw on my strengths to create healing experiences for people. I use the harp in special dance workshops to help align the chakras. As a Celestial Reader, I often play the harp for my clients so that they can feel closer to the angelic realm. Sometimes, a spirit guide will even request a performance. Why, I am even preparing for a Celestial Harpitation in a few weeks. This work makes me feel effective, thankful, and connected. All of this swirls around my head as I overlook the coming year.

What does the future entail? How will I continue to empower women while growing as an individual? I often seek my balance myself. There is a quote along the lines of I have never ventured into something grand feeling adequately prepared. Well, that fits me in a nutshell. How can I, a person without any background in gender studies be the one to take a stand for women? This was a concern of mine until I realized that I did not need the papers to undertake this mission. My life has given me the experience necessary to handle and appreciate such work. This blog chronicles many of my experiences that have given me the background to empathize with my sisters when I see the same cycle manifesting in their lives. So, I say that the future holds more circles. I say that I will be in Negril, Jamaica with sisters at my side enjoying the beach. I say that I will continue to follow the very things that I talk about; listen to my intuition and allow it to guide me. It is that force alone that will keep me grounded as I continue to evolve on this journey that I call my life.

JAMAICA: THE QUESTION

It was the very height of the holiday season. The queen mother announced that she would be traveling home to see her ailing sister, an aunt that I knew nothing about. When she said this aloud, I knew that second that I would be on that plane sitting next to her. There were things that I wanted to know. There were answers that my heart sought. My very existence was an extension of this one island nation. Without understanding how I was going on the trip, I expressed an interest on when she would buy the ticket for herself; I wanted to be informed.

Once at home, I began packing. There was no explanation as to how I was going to pull it off, but I knew that I had to go. Plane tickets are expensive, and I did not have the money to pay my bills let alone travel. Within three days time, a hefty sum of money manifested through surprise refunds and jobs that required my expertise. Upon informing her that I was going with her, she began to laugh. Apparently, the king father said that it was a pity that I could not go with her due to my job. This decision shocked both of them. I contacted the friends that needed to know that I would be in the air. It is a practice of mine to make my peace with people prior to traveling in the event God should call upon me to depart this realm. After informing my boss of the predicament, my mother and I made our way out of the country.

My heart does not belong in the city of an island. It belongs on the quiet beach with the beautiful waters. I spent a lot of time in the mountains visiting with country folk. They have a common practice of burying the dead on the same property. Miguel the pig was introduced with me along with a host of goats, chickens, and underfed dogs. I had the opportunity to pray at the most beautiful river and spent time in some beautiful historic spots.

While en route to visit my ailing aunt, my stomach became difficult to deal with. The ride through the mountains to her residence was unberable for me. I later realized that it was impossible for me to deal with the situation on a physical level. Thank god for Ting as it calmed my upset stomach. The family scene was grim. There was one leg. There were tears. I watched as the previous generation of women in my family embraced for the first time in years.
It was a touching moment. Things that I thought were unique about me are actually genetic.

The visions that were projected through me during this time were often quite vivid and colorful. The spirits in the mountains speak of the original motherland and the torture that has been experienced as a people at the hands of murderers and thieves. As poor as the people are financially, they are equally rich in spirit and life. Culture is abundant and free and there are many smiles everywhere you go. My god what a truly magnificent place.

Did I get the answers you ask? Yes, I did. I plan to return this year under happy circumstances. The beach will be my residence, and my sisters will be at my side. Until I return, the island nation that contributed to my origin holds a special place in my heart. Land of my ancestors, place of my beloved mother, the key to my path. Many more questions still linger. Other countries hold the answers to those but, one trip at a time.

LOVE BREAD

Before the meditation closed, the organizer mentioned his ponderings of love. He tried to understand what love truly was. The only thing that he could conclude was that love was bread to be shared in the outside world. He charged us with taking it and sharing it with others. This concept stayed on my mind as I drove home filled with inspiration and ideas. This will no doubt appear for me as a workshop.

Many of my sisters are more than capable of loving the entire world; however, when it comes to loving themselves, they fall short. Visions that go unrealized. Goals that are never set. Dreams that are never chased. Desires that are never expressed. These actions lead to blocked chakras and unhappy lives. Some women become withdrawn while others develop an inexplicable anger. Jealousy and envy also run amuck. The woman is suppossed to put herself first.

Oh, but my children. Oh, but my husband needs me. My friends depend on me to be there for them. People that love you on a serious level want to see you flourish becomes it brings them a great deal of happiness. You are of no use to your children if you do not take yourself to the doctor and get checked out when you need to do so. If you do not exercise to maintain your energy levels, how will you please yourself what say your husband once the two of you have an intimate encounter? You do not always have to be the one to volunteer to cook for the outings. Potluck can delegate the wealth and variety of food.

One way that I get to love myself is by investing in my sisters. I share in their triumphs because I see myself in many of them and so it is a personal success for me as well. It is in service to them that I am able to realize my own dreams and thus attain a status of self realization and effectiveness. There are others. Perhaps I shall share them in a different vehicle…..go now. Find ways to love yourself. The test will come soon. Inshallah.

I DON’T LIKE YOU

People often wonder if I like them or not. The general rule of thumb is, if I like you, you may know…BUT, if I don’t like you, you will know and so will the rest of the world. Here is some feedback on the situations….

I like you if……

1.) If you get a lot of texts/msgs/calls from me.

2.) If I give you something and sort of start blushing in the corner.

3.) If I tell you that I don’t like you(not sure why)

3.a) If you get tapped and then told that I do not like you.

3.b) If you get tapped and then you are told something.

4.) If I ask for your opinion on something and listen to your feedback intently.

5.) If you receive an invite for tea/coffee/dinner.

5.A) If I give you candy/tea/coffee/meal(especially if I cook it myself…DAMN).

6.) If you receive a hug…damn, you are better than sliced bread.

7.) If I feel the need to sponsor a party in your honor….WOW!

8.) If you notice that I violate your personal space often…

9.) If you get hugged out of the clear blue because I was happy that you walked in the room…

10.) If I offer you a glass of wine…

11.) If you have ever been flashed(or received a threat of a flash)….you are very high on my list.

12.) If you notice that I will discuss anything(and I do mean anything…no topic is off limits…) around you, my comfort level with you is in the hemisphere.

13.) If I offer you a ride and you have to get to the other side of town.

14.) If you feel that I am a fan of your work…chances are very high that I LOVE YOU!

15.) If I tell you the truth without hesitation at all about you….on the money honey, I like you.

16.) If you receive random thoughts for me, this means that you get to see that aspect of me because I feel safe around you.

I do not like you if…..

1.) When you show up, I can’t be found.

2.) If I stare at you and don’t say a word.

3.) If you are in my presence and feel as if you do not exist…you got it, I do not like you.

4.) If you send me a text and I respond eat shit and die….on the money, I don’t like you.

5.) If you address me and notice that I have a great deal of trouble responding to you and I am not eating….I DON’T LIKE YOUR ASS.

6.) If you call me and I never call you back…..ever….

7.) If you call my voicemail and it says your name specifically…and then requests that you do not call me again in this lifetime or the next….(yes, I have done this)

8.) If I am very short with you in conversation..one word responses.

9.) If I look at you and you want to die from the disgust bullets that I am shooting at you…yeah, you are disliked by me.

10.) If I used to tell you that I do not like you…and it stopped. This happened to a boyfriend right before I broke up with him.

Unfortunately,there have been people that start off in the gray area and then place themselves in a negative spot. However, more often than not…people elevate themselves which is what makes life grand. The other thing is I have had friends whom I loved dearly but couldn’t be in the presence of their significant others which is uncomfortable as hell.

MORNING THOUGHT

If we continue to avoid issues that we do not like to talk about, the issues will continue to be there whether or not we face them directly. I choose to face them directly. It does not mean that I live without fear. It means that I am tired of enabling them to continue.

FEAR: THE CRIPPLING DISEASE

FEAR: GET OVER IT.

The person knows the situation. The person knows what has to be done to solve the problem in order to achieve success. However, because of fear, the person chooses to remain locked away. Sometimes, we can be our own worst enemy. What wonderful experiences are we missing in life because we are too afraid to take the necessary steps to get what we want? This in turn begins to anger some because they see others doing the work that they fear undertaking themselves hence the root of resentment and envy. You know it as jealousy.

I overheard this advice being given yesterday. You have a fear? Get over it. I also heard advice that the Dalai Lama gave to an individual: keep it simple. If I put the two of these things together, I get a new equation. Fear is simple to deal with: GET OVER IT! Yes, I realize that it is easier said then done. We are human an everyone has some fear and or insecurity that they carry around like a torch.

My plan of action includes the following….

1.) Surround yourself with people that will not enable your excuses for not doing what your intuition is telling you to do. There are some people in this world that will not take anything less than the best from everyone including their friends. This may be called an accountability partner.

2.) Devise a simple plan and stick to it. Go with the flow when obstacles appear and handle it.
3.) Remember the fear is not yours to have. Give it to the higher power that you recognize and allow that energy to deal with it.
4.) Always remember that you are in charge of your own happiness. No one else is going to do the work that is required to make you smile because they should be too busy trying to do the same thing for themselves.

5.) Affirmations as you awake can work wonders.

Do not waste another moment thinking about what you should do. You already know. Put yourself out there….wear heels if you want….