“Breaking Point Survival
Overwhelming is the word of the week. Busy is an understatement and sleep has taken on a deeper meaning. The dreaded alarm waits in the distance while the search for a personal chef continues. However, a new trend has begun.
I am telling people young and old alike how to avoid annoying me. It is not rude or disrespectful to explain your boundaries to people. They may not be aware of how annoying they are and need to be told. Otherwise, the problem persists and you are the one with the pain in your neck because of your body clenching whenever they approach.
When spending my hard earned money on items, I am requesting the full extent of assistance. A designer made changes to a skirt and delivered it to my home this week because I did not have time to return to the store. Her partner has a blouse that I want. I asked if I could pay extra for shipping. The Zelle request is sitting in my inbox.
My personal favorite is the follow up. Don’t do it and don’t allow it to kill you. If someone wants something from you, they will go through the process of communicating with you. You do not have to inquire about anything. That responsibility falls on them. The only way that perhaps this should be flexible is when there is money involved for your pocket. All of us are busy beings. It is too draining to try and accommodate everyone and everything. This is especially important because most people are unable to make sense of their own inadequacy to form basic requests in a timely fashion without interrupting your flow.
Although I won’t receive flowers or chocolate tomorrow, I will be content. The best present right now would be for me to wake up and have absolutely nothing to do. A catered lunch with sparkling lemonade would send me over the full moon…..”
After a long hard day of work, my bed consumes me whole. Another couple has started their new life together after dining on a seven course meal. I have just finished my third bowl of popcorn and wish that a coke would fall from the sky.
There are different tweaks in my life now. There is a new flow. A store has an outfit waiting for me because I called ahead with specifications. The salon doesn’t see me on the weekends. Monday is much more my speed because it is completely empty. Nails? Well, once I return…she is by appointment only.
A new assistant joined my mission this week. However, as days go by, I am realizing that I need one for my personal life as well. Can someone bring me the popcorn and coke from the kitchen? That is too much of a task for me while laying in bed. Maybe she could also make that phone call that I keep putting off.
It is true. Sheer exhaustion makes me feel sorry for myself. As a child, my mother was obligated to keep me going. As an adult, I am obligated to keep me going. Between the demands of work and work, sometimes that is an impossible feat.
How exactly am I supposed to face another day of challenges and to do lists? My skin has to remain moisturized and a proper diet should be in place too?
Perhaps the worst part is that all of us feel like this in some way shape or form. Unfortunately, because we are caught in our own chaos, we do not bond anymore. Live conversation has been replaced with text messages. You learn about a dear friend’s accomplishment via a fb post. I have had to tell some of you to call me before I see you with a ring on your finger on a screen.
There used to be drum circles on the beach. My sister and I would dance all night under the full moon. Impromptu happy hours, Starbucks runs, and dinner at the now defunct Soyka. There was the now legendary night that I kissed the chef….
Life will never cease with her twists and turns. Some days are slow while other phases are intense without any cool air or even a drop of cool water for your face. Keep going. You got this. Remember to breathe. Pause to reflect. Adjust that crown, and push forward.
The Niche: Why It Is Special
There is one area where you excel. You are known for doing it and people seek you out as an expert. It could be cooking. Others are exemplary mothers. Some people handle money with finesses while others yet can help people better understand themselves. You may even have complimentary areas that are awesome that support this one area where you are the absolute epitome of perfection. This is your nice.
It is special because you are the one doing it. Your niche brings you money and supports your entire life. It is not your side hustle; it is your 24/7 grind. You live it as a life. The very air alone brings in new ideas to enhance this specialty that just does it for you.
Time and a decent mentor can show you how to work it. Do you want to improve your skills? Call your mentor for a session. Travel to that conference in Washington state. Schedule a lunch with a colleague and chat about everything and nothing. My best professional development was held this morning talking to a colleague while driving to work.
Customized apparel can help you bring attention to your business while capturing yourself as well. You have to do everything possible to help you think about improving upon yourself. It is a daily agenda. Some days will be better than others. Productivity is not a daily necessity. I said that aloud. You are supposed to crash once or twice a week just to maintain your mental sanity. Self care is not a new term to be splashed around by middle class America. It is an actual thing that everyone is supposed to do in some way shape or form everyday. You want to be able to start with a fresh foundation in order to fully embrace the life that you call your own.
Now that I have said all of that, what is your niche? Where do you fit? Where are you going? Maybe you are standing still. Some of you are standing still trying to figure out where to go. All of these positions are valid. However, as a woman in a society that is tearing down the antiquated ways of the patriarchy, reach out and touch a resource to help you along your way.
It’s Time to Remove My Bra
It is merely the second day of the week, and the bed has engulfed my body. My body screams from symptoms of stress while silently praying for an immediate detox. Personal space is invaded daily with the understanding that I am simply another link in a very long chain. This game will never change.
As the bed settles just a little more, my mind races across goals that should be set and lists that should be written. Tea has been scheduled and my eyes have settled on a new jumper that shall make its debut tomorrow. The grandmother look simply doesn’t suit me and the quest to break out of the nursing home look has been ignited. Where am I going to? Do I like the things that life is showing me?
Arguments rage on over the Super Bowl halftime show while I still make pennies every hour. There is someone that needs a kind word. There is a hug that should be had, and the wish of a vacation. No one in the world can move me quite like this journey of mine. Rocky? Yes. Conventional? No.
Owls now keep me company and there isn’t a daughter or husband in sight. My existence is still valid. My voice is still clear. Unwavering and firm. Forward shall I go into the great unknown. Wednesday beckons unto me.
The Taxation of the Mind
This week has had it all. Grief, complaints, hunger, headaches, vaginal questions, low budgets and the ever popular favorite, the contemplation of life.
There I sat on a Sunday afternoon in shock over a man that I barely knew.
By Tuesday morning, the recurring conversations about the tragedy had taken hold and my threshold was met; I couldn’t take it anymore. Conversations were silenced. The radio was turned off. Social media was removed. It was just me and a bed looking for sleep while praying for peace.
Have you ever just stared at your desk wondering what in the hell am I doing? In walks Wednesday in all of her glory. Yet another presentation ahead to be prepared to impress my one my only, my boss. Le sigh. Why I even managed to sketch the outline for my personal year. Goals are everything when you can touch them in bold color.
Thursday with her maddening effect and grueling grind brought me to the doorstep of Dunkin Donuts begging for caffeine/fuel on a Friday morning. Here I lay. My meanderings a mere memory from yesterday as I try to grasp the direction of my life.
Is the direction right? Can I be more? Will the NFL give me money? Yes and hell to the no. None of this stops the earth from moving around the sun. The seconds are still going tick tock on the clock. My life is still my own to live as I see fit. What I see, is a protection of self and glasses of wine….a bottle.”
The New Year celebrations have ended. Everyone is staring at the scale and wondering if the gym membership is actually a thing. Beds are warm and coffee is hot. Monday will start a new work week in a new year. Hell is slowly rising to a steady boil.
The anxiety of leaving the wonderful break and returning to the hustle and bustle of the 9-5 leave me in complete and utter despair. The last two weeks have brought me a great balance of freelancing and rest. Napping became my sole pursuit and leaving the house was extremely unnecessary. The thought of leaving this behind is dreadful.
I’ve never been a resolutions individual. There may not even be goals written down somewhere. However, there are ideas that I am developing as I am truly a constant work in progress. Is there something that I want? Always. Are there things to be done? Until the end of time. Am I putting forth a minute by minute concentrated effort on one thing?
These days life happens one day at a time. The larger picture relies on the building blocks of the smaller days. This is not the time to grab it by the horns and ride like a cowgirl. The sound of the water is so peaceful and it should wash over me vs splashing around making waves. The day will come when I have to dig my feet into the ground. For now…..silence embraces me.
You have to know why you are here. Your purpose has to be clear as day to you. Hints may be dropped. The universe may gently push you in the right direction. Doors will magically open and people will respond to you….when you stand in your gift.
My father envisioned a world where I would one day continue my life without his earthly presence. He knew that being armed with a choice of weapons to survive would be key in my success. He made sure that I was educated. There were hobbies and happy memories. There was one area where I seemed to excel over anything else. Music.
A rare instrument was given to me. He paid for the lessons. He drove me to rehearsals and performances. He would sit next to me while I practiced. Loading and unloading harps became his whole weekend. My father is my biggest support system. When he departed from this realm, he was serenaded by musicians…one of which was of his making.
These days I spend my time entertaining seniors inside adult day cares. They sing along and delight in the tunes of yesteryear. Their joy and happiness are very rewarding for me. As 2020 approaches, I am excited about what is around the company for my entrepreneur contribution: Lady of Harp, LLC.
As I sat in conversation with fam, I looked around and saw it with my own two eyes. You can not be an island. You have to belong to a community. You have to belong to something greater than yourself. There has to be a higher calling to which you answer.
We are not mindless beings living a life of solitude with bouts of social media. We have tribe. If you look closely, you have many tribes: church, work, friends, family, neighborhood. Unfortunately, we live in homes but not in communities.
How is it possible with all of the technology that is around that we do not know the names of our neighbors? Why are our senior citizens left alone to wither away? Why are we not seeking them out to be with us at our Thanksgiving dinner tables? Are we not all going that route?
Human trafficking is at an all time high. Why? Are we so caught up in our own issues that we can’t see that our children and women are being removed from civilizations and cast into the underbelly of society? What exactly are we doing? Another selfie? All of us should be disgusted.
I ask if each of you to be diligent. Yes, put yourself first. Yes, handle your affairs. Also, go into the lounge at work and eat with your coworkers. Instead of waving to that grandmother on the corner, stop by one day with flowers. Don’t text your cousin. Call her to come over for the weekend. Cook a meal and message your friends that dinner has been served.
Fellowship. Human connection. Bond over actual words. Have a real conversation. Talk about the weather. Ask someone about what they do for a living. Don’t separate before planning the next get together. Life is short and the clock is ticking away. Some of us are using hair dye.
Life will forever bring you ups and downs. Disappointments will run rampant and people will leave you, friend, foe, and lover. Hearts will break and tears will fall. However, in spite of it all, you have to have a foundation. For some, this is their religious faith. Other people have it in their families. For me? It is is simple.
All my life, music has been the one constant. Friendships have ended. Relationships have gone the way of the world. Music remains my ever faithful friend. It is always there for me no matter the situation. It is my honor to be called a musician.
What is your honor? How has god bestowed his grace upon you?”
The predicament with being an adult is focusing on what is truly important. Do we work every day to pay our bills or to enjoy the finer things that life has to offer? Perhaps the degree on your wall was attained in order to get a higher paying job instead of serving as the foundation for your passion.
The mindless running around day in and day out must end with a sound purpose. Do you know what you do what you do? Was that breakfast sandwich consumed because you didn’t go to Publix on the weekend or because it is a part of your routine?
We buy things that constantly clutter our lives. These expensive phones come with updates and more info than any one person can stand. Do you really need to have notifications from fb pushed to your phone or does it make you feel important?
Ask yourself questions that truly analyze your behavior. More often than not, we are a stranger to ourselves. Above all else, we should have a solid foundation in self. We should have certification in me, myself, and I. Anyone that thinks it is selfish is not equipped to then deal with other people.
You have to equip yourself with the necessary tools that are required just to get by and hopefully thrive. Hug. Call. Have fellowship with others. Engage in polite conversation that turns into deep reflective thought. What else are we doing? Staying attuned to social media? Life has more to offer. Make yourself available to it.