James: THE CHEATER

He was attractive and had a skill. We exchanged numbers. Within a week, his kisses were accompanied with fondling. I blinked and he asked me point blank, “When are we going to have sex?”. Unfortunately for me, I tend to give people too much credit. This was a red flag yet I trudged ahead. He soon vanished to New York for a week without letting me know. Upon returning, he asked me, “How jealous are you on a scale of 1-10? Because if I saw you in the street with someone else, I would not approach you in an inappropriate manner.” It was one of the strangest conversations of my entire life.
When I told him that his boss hit on me, he told me not to be mean to the individual because his boss was his friend. One evening, I asked him to take me to the movies. His response, “Oh, so you want to take your man to the movies!”. I ended up going with a friend. All of these circus acts were extremely strange to me because I do not play games with people. As a result, they often go unnoticed by me with serious questions. While explaining his behavior to a friend one evening, something dawned on me. He soon heard his phone ringing. He soon heard me asking him if he was sleeping with someone. All of a sudden he claimed that he had to go. He heard the same question again to which he finally relented, “I can not tell a lie. I am seeing someone else.” My voice declared that he had a girlfriend and that he was trying to cheat on her with me. It was not going to happen. He said that he did not see it that way. I screamed at him that he should never call me again in his life. Messages started coming in along the lines of, “I am sorry that I could not take you to the movies.”.
This happened a long time ago. A lot has changed since then. Now, I know what I want. I am in tune with my feelings, and there it is not a problem for me to cut someone off or subtract myself from the equation. This man never gave me any reason to give him the benefit of the doubt. He earned suspicion and a lot interrogation. Instead he received the benefit of the doubt, and two weeks of my life. It was not a waste because this was a lesson for me. Now, it is a lesson for anyone that cares to read it.

MEN

As my feet walked me away from the drum circle, the sand clumped along my legs. My multi colored scarf covered my lower portion as I simply couldn’t resist not taking a dip in the moon kissed ocean. A feeling of attention hit me. It occurred to me that a drummer was going to ask me out. As soon as I got to the fence, he turned around and acknowledged me. He introduced himself and got down to business.
My mind, my heart, my spirit all agree…there is no way that I can get involved with another human being right now. It is not the time in my life to be romantic or entertain such notions. However, the idea that men are noticing me during this period of my life is a form of entertainment for me. A few weeks ago, an old flame contacted me for lunch. He was in town and wanted to reconnect. What in the world is the universe laying at my feet?

The Youth Minister & My Gut

It was my 16th year on this planet. My claim to fame was my job as the pianist at my church. It was a wonderful education for a future professional musician to have. The situations that I found myself in were priceless teachers. It was not long before the church acquired a youth minister.

Upon sight, my father did not like this man. My mother thought that people had to give him a chance to settle in. I was not too particular about him myself. When he called me one Sunday evening at 11pm, my father had some harsh words to say. The pastor’s wife was contacted. We found out that he had called all of the girls late at night. He was spoken to by the appropriate personnel. I still was not fond of the man. An uncomfortable feeling always came over me and his accent was rather aggravating. He was not a genuine individual and was hiding something.

One day after service, I was in the church lobby. I saw him coming down the hallway. In an effort to avoid him, I slipped into the kitchen. He was suddenly inside the kitchen with me slamming the door behind him. He said that if he did not know any better, that he would think that I was trying to avoid him. As a nervous smile crossed my face, I let myself out the door on the other side. I told the one person that would do something about it; my father.

When I told my beloved Daddy what had transpired after service, he was extremely upset. He explained to my mother that if she planned to remain in that church, she would have to fix this situation before he got involved. The youth minister was promptly told to marry his girlfriend which he did. It was not long before he mysteriously vanished. We never had another youth minister. I stopped working at that church just prior to my pastor leaving as a missionary to Africa.

I wrote this because I know women that were in this situation that did not fare as well as I did. There was someone that believed me and did something to protect me. Many women are raped as girls and it was allowed to happen by their mothers; rape victims themselves. When a child feels bad around someone, do not force them to be cordial around that person. There is something dark that the child senses and spirit is the one making the child feel bad as a protective measure. Thank God for my father.

The Snake

The snake is an important symbol for women. It is often used to represent the awakening of the Kundalini or a beginning. However, I am using this title in its more popular sentiment; one who is devious and intends harm upon you. That is the way that I felt.

It was still early in my career. One Sunday, I had accompanied a friend to church where a guest speaker was delivering the message; he was not a pastor. It was a good message. I did not think much of him beyond his raspy voice. However, when he called me on the phone to ask me out on a date, a game changer presented itself. I was single without a gentleman caller in sight. It could not hurt to meet him for a bowl of fruit which is what I ordered at Denny’s.

He was much older than I was. His grown children were about my age and had grown rather accustomed to their father’s preference in women. As the conversation began, it was mild enough. As it slowly progressed, it became apparent to me that he was choosing the type of condom that he wanted to use. He abruptly announced that the point of us meeting was to begin a relationship of trust and love. It would be between the two of us without our mutual friends interfering. Strike one. When I found myself in his cold embrace, I immediately blurted out that I was leaving. Not once did I indicate that I wanted his evil flesh on my person because I was cold. The only reason why I did not vacate the restaurant was that he caused a scene. What if he followed me to my car in the parking lot? When I was able to detangle myself from his claws, I called my friend and told her that I never wanted to see this epic failure again in my life.

Phone calls continued to flood my cell for a few more days until he received the message that I was not interested in his existence. I am under the impression that he expected me to fall for him instantly because he was older and had money. My poor young brain would surely tell my legs to part for him. He kept pressuring me during our unpleasant dinner to go elsewhere with him so that we could talk. After explaining to him that this scenario was not possible because it was already late, he retorted that he was getting up at 4am and would not ask me again. This may have been strike two for me.

It was not long after this outing that I was informed that he used to be a pastor but lost the title. He also had a hovering fiance of sorts. Why wasn’t any of this brought up during the dinner? After he quietly left town, he was never heard from again.