The renewal of my life cycle is the most important day of the year for me. I tend to surround myself with friends and feast with various forms of entertainment. I start planning in December. Many people informed me that they were attending. However, little did I know that it was not true.
One by one cancelations started streaming in within an hour of the dinner. At least some people informed me that they were not coming. Others did not even say anything to me. They simply did not show. There I sat for thirty minutes awaiting company that never manifested. The lovely chairs looked back at me with their emptiness. One friend appeared. She was the only one that kept me company all for a while.
After the sub standard meal, I went home and became a puddle on my floor. Alone. In the darkness. I did not want to be alone on my birthday. Yet, there I was. It was a cold reminder that my importance was secondary yet again. I was thankful for the text messages, fb love, and phone calls. A card even came in the mail. The tears have yet to dry from my wet face as I try to nurse myself back to a rational state. It was the worst birthday of my life.
1.)Situation #1: Mother invited me to a Harvest Festival at church one fall while I was in college. It was not something that I had an interest in, and I politely declined. Approximately 72hrs before the event, she informed me that she purchased my ticket. I politely reminded her that I told her that I did not want to attend. The Saturday of the festival, someone gave me two tickets to the orchestra. Happy did not begin to describe my feelings about the concert. Once my mother was informed with joy in my face, she told me to reimburse her for the ticket that she bought in spite of the fact that I told her not to do so…..if anyone has an explanation for this one, please let me know.
2.) Situation #2: It was a cruise to the Bahamas. I went with my sub standard boyfriend and friends. Both parties turned out to be colossal mistakes on my part…moving on. Because I would have to return and go straight to work, my transportation plans were made ahead of time and with great care. When I asked my sub standard boyfriend how he was going to get home, his response was that he was a grown man and could take care of himself. Please keep that in mind.
The morning of our return, my ride was patiently awaiting me. Unfortunately, the grown man that could take care of himself was calling his sub standard friends that could also take care of themselves since 6am, and not one person answered the phone. There he was. Stranded. He turned to me and asked if he could borrow $10.00. I asked why.
He responded…read: “To catch a cab…”.
3.) Situation #3: A handy man came to fix a few things in my home. While he was present, he mentioned that he could fix a few more things for an additional fee. I responded that since I was also having my patio cleaned by another company, his current work was all that was required. Nevertheless, he insisted on giving me quotes for things that I did not request, and left once the job was complete. I told him that I would be in touch regarding the other work once I reviewed the practicality of it. A few days later, he texted me asking if I was still saving towards hiring him. One follow up is fine. However, a few days later, he texted, “rescreen?” in reference to my patio. I promptly deleted his number as his desperation for money was seeping through the cell. An actual screen company that charged a hefty fee completed the screens for me, and they look wonderful to this day.
1.) FYI makes me nervous.
2.) I don’t know why I am being called Ms. Crystal all of a sudden.
3.) Interacting with people on a regular basis does make me happy; however, I have to have a say in how it is executed.
4.) There are knights in shining armor out there. They have restored my faith in the opposite sex.
5.) Good food is a game changer.
6.) Sometimes, having a conversation with the right person can do everything in life for your perspective.
7.) Proper communication is essential.
8.) My approach to life has changed. I do not try to convince people to do anything anymore. I prefer to let the cards fall and lay in place.
9.) I have a lot to say.
10.) My views on marriage have changed. I do believe in it for myself.
It was a three day weekend. There were so many events that held my interest. I even had a ticket that I had purchased months ago to attend a function. Instead of attending a few or even one, I opted to maintain a low profile. My nagging cramps and probiotic usage did not help matters. Nonetheless, it was the ultimate introvert episode. Netflix was my BFF, and my social height was wandering into an independent cinema to watch a popular movie. That is a move that will definitely be made again.
What if more people simply pulled away from being all over the place all of the time? What does being busy all of the time accomplish? At the end of the day, it really comes down to the close circle that you build for yourself. There will always be a major event that is simply to die for. A new show will always be on the horizon. That new talent will always make its debut on the very night that you need a nap. Well, a three day nap was required. Sometimes, it is just easier not to deal with people. Work exhausts me because it requires interaction with others all day long. I am never alone or have any privacy. That stays with you throughout the weekend. So, for this little vacation, the world did not see me.
It spoke with a deep bass voice. As the world turned, it descended into a violent tremolo. People fell from grace as it continued its painful crescendo. An occasional pizzicato lightened our load. It approached its whole note with a furious bow. There wasn’t a happy medium in sight. Simply piano to sfz. A triple forte was a mere suggestion. The fine brought the cello to its ultimate C. People exhaled and shoulders finally relaxed. The pain was finally released.
Not all beverages are created equal. Water. Hot tea. Organic juice. These three beverages have been my liquid choices for a while now. When I went to Publix to purchase meat, I decided to pick up two flavors of Ocean Spray juice. After one cup, my body immediately informed me that it is too sweet for my consumption. Publix had a refund on its hands. This was never a problem before the introduction of organic juice from Brother’s Farmers Market. Its amazing to me how quickly personal taste can change.
There are journals from college that have references to the beach. There was a desire to spend more time there. Its funny that many of us complain about the traffic or time it takes to get there; including myself. However, there are people that travel from all over the world to enjoy its beauty. This summer has found me visiting the beach more often in spite of myself. Vacation time can make a girl quite lazy.
I went to the beach twice this week. One evening found me driving there to simply enjoy the mere sight of it all. The sensation of the wind against my skin was exhilarating. There were not a lot of people, and the heat was not present. It was relaxing and beautiful. The moon was at its halfway mark as the sun fell. While staring at a cloud, a plane flew into the middle of it. Lights started flashing. When it happened again with the sound of rolling thunder, I quickly found myself en route to my car. It was a moment in nature with amazing results.
People have been telling me that I look smaller. Are you losing weight? ME?! I have not exercised in months. Food is something that I enjoy without any regulation. How does this regimen contribute to a smaller me? Who knows. However, the inspiring comments prompted me to walk for exactly thirty minutes this evening. This physical activity was followed by a home cooked meal. I am so proud of myself.
I truly believe that it takes a village to raise a child. That village acts as the vessel to bring forth the next generation within our society. However, if children are being murdered at the tender age of six then that means the village does not exist. The next generation is in danger of not taking our places at all. Rallies are an outdated model that only bring people together to call attention to an issue for a few hours and then everything dissipates. We are beyond marching. We are beyond prayer. We are beyond planning. Take everything and throw it out. We need to return to traditional values that are ancestors held dear. It takes a village to raise a child. We need to create our village.
My own humble existence has been placed in these shoes. The Circle of Sisterhood was created with the intent for women to come together and support each other in a sacred healing space. My next step? Education from the ground up. It has to start from the womb and continue into adulthood. I have spoken to an Afrocentric private school not far from my home. The conversation was interesting because I am not pregnant nor do I plan to be so anytime soon. However, in the face of a primary child being shot, I feel compelled to do something personal going forward. Every time it comes up in conversation, I get the chills. Our children need us to do something. We need us to do something else because our current efforts are failing.
There is a group that now exists in Miami for parents that have lost children. Imagine the pain of burying a life that you brought forth. It never leaves. We can not stand by and allow these members of our society to face this pain alone. A new formula must be put together and it is going to take all of us. Politicians, educators, healers, religious leaders, parents, students……..walk, talk, pray, plan, change. We are running out of caskets. We are running out of space. Time is against us.
After getting some amazing henna done, my car was blocked in the parking lot. A man in a bathrobe asked me if I had a lighter. I said no but maybe there was a matchbook in my car. He perked right up at the possibility. The party inside Painting with a Twist raged on. As I handed him the book, I told him to keep it so he wouldn’t have to get a lighter. He graciously thanked me and vanished. Once the car that was blocking me was moved, it became rather apparent that I would not be able to easily reverse. There were too many cars for my comfort level. Guess who reappeared out of thin air and spent his party time helping me to get out of the parking lot? He still had the bathrobe…..
Monday has been a puzzle of errands. A smoothie was in order with a strong shot of ginger. Cayenne pepper was added much to my spicy delight. The total came to $8.35. I handed over a $10.00 bill. While the cashier prepared my change, I found $.35 and handed it to him. He apologized and said that his math was very poor. I told him that two dollars would be my change. Far be it from me to judge anyone on their math skills. My math skills threatened my entire academic career. There are tasks that simply go undone in my adult life because I can not stand anything remotely mathematical. However, I did wonder how is it that this back equation was difficult to figure out. Has Facebook, Siri, and other techie mechanisms contributed to this? A serious curiosity….