Saturday morning has found me wide awake in my comfortable bed. As I search youtube for uplifting videos, I wonder about the direction of my life. What do I want and how do I plan to get there? Have my priorities changed? Does my dream remain under the moon? I have been wanting to leave this job for well over ten years now, but has a formal step been made? No. Where am I now in the second month of the New Year?
The summons was waiting for me as I came in from my hectic day at work. My fingers furiously dialed the number to my lawyer’s office. The sweet paralegal was on the receiving end of my profane disbelief that I was in the middle of this. The City required my presence at a hearing complete with a magistrate because my lawn was not replaced in a timely manner. If a growl was possible from me, it would have been heard around the world.
The morning of the hearing brought my existence to a nervous state. Why exactly was this happening? One of my newer outfits was chosen to adorn my person for the appearance…over my lawn. I even went early so that I could relax in the garden. Just before the stroke of doom, Natasha, my fierce lawyer, appeared ready to slay. It was obvious that she was not about to take any prisoners on this day.
She summoned the officer and engaged him in conversation. I sat off to the side thinking of how he once gave me a violation on my birthday. My name was called to go to the magistrate. It felt amazing to have someone else represent me and handle the legality of it all. The discussion was short, and I was free of the predicament with a $50.00 check. However, the experience made quite an impression on me.
Abandonment is something that has become a resurrected theme in my life which leaves a girl quite speechless. However, Natasha made me feel like I was supported by an entire company. It went beyond a job for her. It was more than her professional responsibility. At that precise moment, she embodied what all of us should be doing for each other. We should show up. We should speak up. We should represent and complete the village no matter how small or large the task. I gave her flowers to show my appreciation but it does not begin to explain the bold act that she executed.
The renewal of my life cycle is the most important day of the year for me. I tend to surround myself with friends and feast with various forms of entertainment. I start planning in December. Many people informed me that they were attending. However, little did I know that it was not true.
One by one cancelations started streaming in within an hour of the dinner. At least some people informed me that they were not coming. Others did not even say anything to me. They simply did not show. There I sat for thirty minutes awaiting company that never manifested. The lovely chairs looked back at me with their emptiness. One friend appeared. She was the only one that kept me company all for a while.
After the sub standard meal, I went home and became a puddle on my floor. Alone. In the darkness. I did not want to be alone on my birthday. Yet, there I was. It was a cold reminder that my importance was secondary yet again. I was thankful for the text messages, fb love, and phone calls. A card even came in the mail. The tears have yet to dry from my wet face as I try to nurse myself back to a rational state. It was the worst birthday of my life.
2017 is coming to an end. The year of multiple changes and intense moments is about to run out. I am curious as to where my guidance resources shall share with me as a New Year approaches. How do I feel? Tired. My belly is full this evening. My thoughts wonder to different places including an international vacation. It is important for me to check in on the three major points: physical, mental, and spiritual. The mighty triad makes for a well rounded individual with balance. In truth, at this particular moment….the ground beneath my feet is shaky.
1.)Situation #1: Mother invited me to a Harvest Festival at church one fall while I was in college. It was not something that I had an interest in, and I politely declined. Approximately 72hrs before the event, she informed me that she purchased my ticket. I politely reminded her that I told her that I did not want to attend. The Saturday of the festival, someone gave me two tickets to the orchestra. Happy did not begin to describe my feelings about the concert. Once my mother was informed with joy in my face, she told me to reimburse her for the ticket that she bought in spite of the fact that I told her not to do so…..if anyone has an explanation for this one, please let me know.
2.) Situation #2: It was a cruise to the Bahamas. I went with my sub standard boyfriend and friends. Both parties turned out to be colossal mistakes on my part…moving on. Because I would have to return and go straight to work, my transportation plans were made ahead of time and with great care. When I asked my sub standard boyfriend how he was going to get home, his response was that he was a grown man and could take care of himself. Please keep that in mind.
The morning of our return, my ride was patiently awaiting me. Unfortunately, the grown man that could take care of himself was calling his sub standard friends that could also take care of themselves since 6am, and not one person answered the phone. There he was. Stranded. He turned to me and asked if he could borrow $10.00. I asked why.
He responded…read: “To catch a cab…”.
3.) Situation #3: A handy man came to fix a few things in my home. While he was present, he mentioned that he could fix a few more things for an additional fee. I responded that since I was also having my patio cleaned by another company, his current work was all that was required. Nevertheless, he insisted on giving me quotes for things that I did not request, and left once the job was complete. I told him that I would be in touch regarding the other work once I reviewed the practicality of it. A few days later, he texted me asking if I was still saving towards hiring him. One follow up is fine. However, a few days later, he texted, “rescreen?” in reference to my patio. I promptly deleted his number as his desperation for money was seeping through the cell. An actual screen company that charged a hefty fee completed the screens for me, and they look wonderful to this day.
1.) FYI makes me nervous.
2.) I don’t know why I am being called Ms. Crystal all of a sudden.
3.) Interacting with people on a regular basis does make me happy; however, I have to have a say in how it is executed.
4.) There are knights in shining armor out there. They have restored my faith in the opposite sex.
5.) Good food is a game changer.
6.) Sometimes, having a conversation with the right person can do everything in life for your perspective.
7.) Proper communication is essential.
8.) My approach to life has changed. I do not try to convince people to do anything anymore. I prefer to let the cards fall and lay in place.
9.) I have a lot to say.
10.) My views on marriage have changed. I do believe in it for myself.
I used to be a wallflower. Now, I am a rose with thorns…..
My 40th year on the planet started off with a bang. It has also brought about some lessons that keep me afloat on a daily basis. I think my favorite one is wanting something that does not happen. We often focus on what we want out of life. We won’t get everything that we want, and that is a good thing. When this happens, it is because it was not the best fit for us or something better is right around the corner. This is a good indication that in many cases, when a situation becomes too hard to manage, sometimes it is best to simply walk away. It was not supposed to work. That is the correct outcome. Why? Ultimately, it benefits you.
Forty looks real good on me. My diet has one more week left on the clock, and I look good. These days find me wanting to have a very soft feminine look. I have been invited to a wedding which has caused a massive outfit consideration. The perfect dress finally appeared this evening, and I said yes. Make-up, shoes, and jewelry have also fallen into place. Through the power of technology, two friends were able to give their input. Luckily, both of them always had the same opinion on each ensemble.
My first Friday night in the 40s finds me surrounded by shopping bags and tissue paper. My fridge is filled to capacity with food that I cooked for my consumption this week which includes: quinoa, chicken, and broccoli. The wine and desserts have been set aside for a more appropriate time; saving them for a special occasion. Scandal reruns are running on loop as normal on Netflix for me. A random text arrives every now and again. My water is flavored with apple cider vinegar. The roses need to be thrown away. It is nice and quiet…but I miss my popcorn…..
This new book brings me a lot of excitement. Many life events will take place in this decade. I plan to marry the love of my life, and give birth to a bouncing baby. Why, I have already started planning the nursery. While I chose not to make any goals for 2017, it has been hard to stay in the moment as usual. My future feels so very bright and filled with happiness that I have never thought possible before. The idea of me being married or with a family of my own has never been a lasting thought until now. My heart looks forward to what lays ahead on the horizon.
It was a three day weekend. There were so many events that held my interest. I even had a ticket that I had purchased months ago to attend a function. Instead of attending a few or even one, I opted to maintain a low profile. My nagging cramps and probiotic usage did not help matters. Nonetheless, it was the ultimate introvert episode. Netflix was my BFF, and my social height was wandering into an independent cinema to watch a popular movie. That is a move that will definitely be made again.
What if more people simply pulled away from being all over the place all of the time? What does being busy all of the time accomplish? At the end of the day, it really comes down to the close circle that you build for yourself. There will always be a major event that is simply to die for. A new show will always be on the horizon. That new talent will always make its debut on the very night that you need a nap. Well, a three day nap was required. Sometimes, it is just easier not to deal with people. Work exhausts me because it requires interaction with others all day long. I am never alone or have any privacy. That stays with you throughout the weekend. So, for this little vacation, the world did not see me.