Monday: A Moment of Fear
Fear is something that can cripple you. You can keel over from fright never to return. The bravest of warriors have fear in their hearts; however, what makes them legendary is that they have the courage to push through it and win. We are no different.
When you stop to think that we as women can bring forth life, that is an awesome power given to us by our creator. Many of us multi task as if we are running Fortune 500 companies. It is perfectly natural to be a little frightful especially when stepping out of your comfort zone. The part that distinguishes you from the rest of the pack is that you continue to step anyway.
Love & light,
Crystal A. Sawyer
You have to give thanks for the little things in life that cause you to laugh. Such joy can inspire a generous release of trapped energies that have nowhere to go. When you feel lighter, you act lighter. With your burdens laid by the riverside, you are empowered to tackle the predicaments of life and perhaps truly enjoy that Margarita. Laugh hard and laugh often. It is good for your body. It is good for your spirit.
A Word from the Book of Crystal
A sense of accomplishment is priceless. A feeling of doing something worthwhile is not found in your local store or on Amazon. It requires extreme effort, unending dedication, and a focus that defies gravity. Such a combination attracts success. There are many failures; it just means that you return to the same formula and rework the approach. It can be applied to every aspect of life: Love, career, family, education, or anything else that you can think about. What would you like to accomplish by the end of the year? What accomplishment do you want to brag about?
It was yet another normal morning when I woke up with a cold back. It was only a matter of hours before my throat was sore. The next thing I knew my body was in an all out war with itself. It was plagued with aches, chills, fever, and just general misery. The last day of work was not graced by my presence. I attended my brother’s wedding and had to warn people not to hug me. The chicken looked good but I could not eat it. The fever finally broke on Saturday but the cough lingered for days. Its force cautioned me not to eat food lest I see it again after the fact. Coughing fits interrupted the night as well as the day. Fatigue kept me bed ridden. Gasping for air was common. It was in that ocean of despair that I reached out to my primacy care physician; I required medical attention.
Upon entering his new office, the lovely pale green simply captured my attention. All of the people were so friendly. Someone came to greet me and shook my hand. I began to wonder if I was in the right place. Perhaps my doctor was replaced by his uncle. What exactly was happening here. When I was finally led to the room, there he was waiting for me. I WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM! He took one blink at me and said Bronchitis. He then rambled off some words to his nurse practitioner and hauled. She completed the exam and he returned to check on everything.
The meds are working. The coughing fits are better and are no longer attempting to take me out. My diet has changed from watermelon to Jamaican soups. Meds are scheduled throughout the day. My mother and the Jamaican Posse are circling with requests for me to stay down south with them so that they may cook for me and make a general fuss over my existence. Life is pretty good.
It was such a nice piece about a wonderful musician. He posted the link to his FB, and I enjoyed reading it. At the end of the article, readers were encouraged to suggest another creative for an interview. My mind fell on an artist that works with me. Her mural is currently uplifting the atmosphere of a school building and I told her that she needed press. BOOM. There was my force of nature Capricorn that is everywhere and does everything. My lovely yoga instructor is simply a refreshing individual and brings a lot of quiet power to the table. However, it was also possible to refer myself. The article said so. I thought but why would I do that, I would not be chosen. They already had harp a while ago. Then I thought…..why wouldn’t I be chosen? I am not the average bear and do not fit societal standards by many a measure. Four days later I was informed that I was selected.
I have the gift of looking at a woman and seeing a diamond in the rough in the event her shine is currently dimmed. Many times, I have the suggestions that can bring that potential to the surface and turn her into the prowling lioness that she truly is. If I can do that for others, why not pass some of that on to myself? Look at what happened. So at this point….I draw but one conclusion.
Have a dream that is bigger than yourself. It should be just out of your reach. Wild. Free from inhibition. Then slowly but surely work towards making it come true. The time shall pass regardless of if you sit at home watching Netflix, or blog away on a Sunday afternoon while cooking jerk chicken. Work towards that ridiculous thought in your mind that you do not think can actually happen.
There it was. The one comment that made me take pause. Why on earth would someone tell me that paradise was lackluster? It was not until a dear friend pointed out the intent that I realized the gravity of the matter. I was hit on and did not even know it. It is my nature to encourage people and actively support them. When no one else believes in you, I am that cheerleader on the sidelines rooting for the upcoming victory. You do not have to be my friend or romantic interest; you could be a business. I believe in vision and support it with my heart as well as my dollar. Apparently, this was taken to heart and suddenly, my presence became important.
Why did this go over my head? Part of me has given up on love. There is no interest in pursuing anything in the one department that has failed me for the duration of my life. For whatever reason, Cupid has seen fit to simply overlook me. Life changes have enabled more pounds on my tall frame, and these days do not find me dressing in the manner that I would necessary like. Once again my hair is a mystery to me. From where did the sudden hit originate?
Men and women alike to have their dreams recognized and encouraged. They want someone to listen to the things that they want for themselves. It is not enough to be somewhat present for the struggle but also encourage the triumphs while mourning the failures. You have to be a part of it. A perfect example of this is how a child acts when you say something good about what they have done. More often than not, they look for excuses to interact with you because you make them feel good with praise and encouragement. Adults are the same.
You must be wondering what I shall do about the individual. Absolutely nothing. He is not my type. He needs to work out his issues with his paradise and find his Zen. I am over here working on me and mine.
People die every day. We are only hearing about these people because they are famous. The contract was complete. They fulfilled the terms and it was time for them to return to the source. They will go through the review of this lifetime and face God prior to preparing for the next assignment.
She was dressed in all white for the tea. As my song came to an end, she shared her enthusiasm for my performance. She requested my info in case she married again. I smiled and said that it could happen. Her response was that she was 86. I blinked and said , “And…”. This is where the story gets interesting. She divorced her sole husband at the age of 26 and never remarried because she simply could not deal with people. I felt my eyes grow wider as my entire being focused on this fascinating information. Now at age 86, men are chasing her and she does not know if she wants a boyfriend. This woman put my entire life into perspective in a matter of five minutes.
I have spent many years of my life alone. My thirties were all about me and my life. The time to focus on myself and develop in any way I chose was present. It was a beautiful gift that many women have wished for but will never receive. By the same token, I have never been that girl to always have someone at my side. People from high school know me as the girl that no one wanted to be with for whatever reason. I am simply not on the love radar. There have been several relationships in various forms.
At this stage of the game, I hope that there is someone that God intends for me. Life is better with someone you love. While my heart has been the victim of many an unfathomable relationship, there is still that small glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, there is someone out there just for me.
There she stood. Grouchy as a toad. It was first thing in the morning, and the smile simply was not there. Her day was surely destined to crash and burn. I have seen her job and this stance was completely understandable. She is always being interrupted while facing daily deadlines while dealing with unruly adults. I stopped heading for the front door and decided to go back around and give her a hug. She is a friend after all, and is simply a positive person in a funk…before 9am.
“Let’s take a picture together…” came from my mouth as I reached for my cell. The next thing I knew, three other women tried to jump in the picture. We had to try all sorts of angles to get the wide smiles into the frame. When we finally achieved our goal, everyone walked away laughing. It was not until later that day that I realized….a simple gesture on my part had changed the energy of the room.
As an adult, I have come to realize that I always hated when my mother would try to talk to me about personal matters: my first kiss, my first boyfriend, always asking questions about my menstrual cycle. In my opinion she simply was not the right person to have an open conversation with and still is not. Why?
Imagine wanting to have a genuine conversation with an individual that is supposed to automatically be on your side. Now you hear criticism that is not constructive for every action or feeling that you have followed by negative commentary. Throw in unsolicited advice here and there for situations that were never brought to said individual’s attention. Why on earth would anyone subject themselves to such misery?
Serious relationships have come and gone. Pain and heartbreak. Joy & euphoria. None of it has been shared with her. I look at other mother daughter relationships and admire how close they are. What is it like to have a mother that is fierce with her support of her daughter? Even without this important relationship in my life, there are still many blessings.
There are other maternal women that treat me like their own daughters. There are friends that treat me more like family than a friend. Such bonds help me to remain thankful for the life that I have and the people that I know. There is more to life than a text or FB messenger.